Back in the city if I fancied blackberries on my porridge I would head to Marks and Spencers and spend two or maybe three pounds on a punnet. What a young, foolish metrosexual I was back then. Tonight as I walked the dog as the sunset over the field of recently harvested peas, I saw wild bushes of blackberries in the hedgerows and they fell off the branches into my fingers. And then into my mouth. They were sweet and succulent and more importantly free. They were just out there. Growing in the ground. Why did no one tell me about this?
There were bushes of them everywhere. I carried a small handful (that you London idiots would pay a pound for) home and will put them in my porridge in the morning. And tomorrow I might head out with some tupperware and get enough for a pie. I might even take them into London and sell them to gullible Yuppies and make upwards of £7 (which admittedly won’t cover the train fare, but that’s not the point).
Free food you idiots. It’s free.
I assume. I may be shot dead in the morning by a farmer who claims those blackberries for himself. Though I imagine most farmers are like Mr McGregor and I am like Peter Rabbit so I believe I can just eat all their produce for free. I am annoyed with myself for not having a freezer full of real unfrozen peas (that I have then frozen).
I remember the joy of brambling back in Cheddar as a youngster. We picked blackberries (brambles) for pies and also elderberries for dad to make wine from. And will enjoy teaching my daughter the spend thrift ways that have been passed down to me.
It was so beautiful out on the field at sunset, the fresh air, the blackberries on my tongue, I thought why would anyone need intoxicating substances when the world is so beautiful. Then I remembered I’d had two beers before the walk. I am not even ripping off the Simon Munnery joke (well not only that). I’d genuinely forgotten and thought that I was just happy because of nature.
But what is more natural than beer? Nothing.
And maybe I would have felt just as content without the beer. I guess we will never know. As I am never going to be sober from now on. Because I live in the broing countryside.
I did the proof read of my new Emergency Questions book this afternoon. 1001 is a lot of Emergency Questions, but I don’t think many people will sit down and read them all in one afternoon. It’s a funny book. I hope you will buy it. Preorder here
We'll be adding some limited edition signed copies and ones with bonus questions at a higher price, but the additional money will go into the pot for this year's podcast filming.