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Monday 12th August 2019


Why did I take any days off? Looking after the kids is much harder than doing the podcasts and the podcasts give me a valid excuse to be out of the house for three or four hours. 
Though as Catie had a book event today it was lucky that I was free to look after the kids and I managed to just about keep them entertained with lunch out (though had to deal with them simultaneously pooing at the end -one in his nappy, the other in the loo) and a trip to the supermarket.
I was totally exhausted too, despite going to bed quite early, because our burglar alarm had gone off in the middle of the night.
Our house has an alarm system that you can set when you’re out of the house, or if you use a different button at night time so you know if anyone is trying to break in. 
Catie had been out doing her final show and then celebrating having finished her final show. I had got to sleep before she returned although I did wake up when she came back in and primed the alarm. I was sleeping in the downstairs room so that she could have a lie-in too. I am the best husband in the world. You don’t need to tell me. Though if you could tell her that would be helpful.
A few minutes later the baby made a sound and so I decided to go to the loo and check on him if he was still mewling afterwards- the house was dark and as I exited the room all Hell broke loose and a loud alarm blared all around me. Even though I’ve been living here for two weeks the stupid system thought I was a burglar. 
I realised that my wife must have inadvertently pressed the button you press when you go out of the house, instead of the one where you’re still there. It was an easy mistake to make. If you had been drinking a little bit as part of your job.
But I was disorientated by the noise. I couldn’t remember where any of the light switches were and I blundered into the kitchen to find my key fob, but I couldn’t see any of the buttons in the darkness. The kids would surely be woken up and any plans to sleep the night through were destroyed. After what felt like ages I managed to switch the alarm off. Catie was at the top of the stairs saying she couldn’t understand what had happened as she was sure she’d pressed the right button. I was sceptical. 
She said she hadn’t had that much to drink. I was sceptical.
But she says that when she has had too much to drink. So it’s hard to be sure.
She thought that maybe someone was actually breaking in, but that seemed unlikely.
It was sort of funny and I hadn’t been asleep anyway. And miraculously the girl slept through the whole thing and the boy settled immediately.
I didn’t though as I felt like a rabbit that had just avoided a truck by one millisecond and I lay awake for the next hour or so. Also what if it was a burglar trying to get in, just coincidentally at the same time as me? And he’d got in while the alarm was going off. And the was sitting in the cupboard looking at me?
It was the only rational explanation.

If you’re missing having me on a podcast today, then why not listen to this week’s Do The Right Thing 
This was a lot of fun to record. Hope you laugh as much as I did!

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