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Saturday 15th March 2014


A much better gig in Norwich tonight, though weirdly (for me) I had two big memory lapses and had to stop and work out what came next. This kind of thing occasionally happens on tour when you know a show well and your brain is distracted thinking about something else, but for it to happen twice is unusual. I think I am a little bit wearier than I realise. First I stalled in the Old Woman Who Swallowed a Fly bit, though quickly remembered where I was, but in the Hamlet speech, perhaps worrying about the line I had to add (but couldn't bring to mind) I came to a halt after the slings and arrows bit (very early in the routine) and couldn't think what came next. I had to go back and do the speech from the start, though I said that occasionally even Hamlet had to do that. The audience enjoyed me fucking up, of course and luckily the rest of the performance was sound.

This is one of the busier weekends in a pretty packed spring time and I had spent the morning trying to get the Meaning of Life script together. This one is relatively easy as I have quite a lot of unused death material (and also I am including a couple of bits from the show), but I am concerned about the last two shows. They might be very short! I had set off reasonably early for Norwich (which is always further away than I remember it being), but unusually did not hit any bad traffic and my sat nav took me on a route where there was nowhere great to stop for a coffee and to do some work. So I was in town by 4 and went to do some writing (and check on York City's dazzling progress up League 2) in a cafe.

On the drive in I had been stuck behind a man hogging the right-hand lane, which as you probably know I hate. I flashed my lights at him a couple of times but he refused to give way, so I overtook him on the inside, making sure to give my horn a blast or two to let him know I was coming. But we were approaching a roundabout (we'd been some way away from it when I had first wanted to overtake him) and the lights were red, so he pulled up behind me. I saw him in my rear-view mirror sarcastically gesturing for me to hurry up. I felt like getting out of my car and telling him what a rubbish driver he was and why he was in the wrong. He undertook me on the roundabout as if to make a point, though the only point that he was making is that he didn't understand that the roads weren't made especially for him. I considered crashing into him and murdering him and his passengers. I had time. But I decided instead that I would eviscerate him in my blog. Now he looks like an idiot, right?

I was all set up in the theatre by 5.45, so went for a run along by the canal. Norwich looked very pretty in the twilight, and has lots of old buildings and ancient bits of wall and I was glad to be getting some exercise. Alas the shower in the dressing room was cold (or at least I couldn't make it warm) so I had to wash myself in the sink. Such is the showbiz glamour of my life.

And though I had felt mildly hungover all day (I had had a couple of whiskeys when I got home last night) the run and the show sorted me out and the drive home was not too arduous and I was not challenged or gestured at by any bellends. So that's a kind of victory.

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My new stand up show, Oh Frig I'm 50 is at on tour from February til June 2018. There's also a new series of RHLSTP with recordings every Monday from February 5th to April 2nd All details of shows here.
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