Pretty extraordinary, I managed to actually have a whole long bank holiday weekend without doing any work. Friday to Monday inclusive. Don't think that's happened for a while, because whilst the banks deserve a break from fucking up the economy (maybe the rest of us would be better off if we just gave them a permanent holiday) comedians have to work every day that God sends. For up to 20 minutes a day. It is the hardest job in the world.
But I let the others take the strain today and put off my script for another day. We came back from the Health Spa before lunch and I enjoyed driving through sunny Hampshire. I haven't been doing any driving this tour and the odd jaunt is rather good fun. London was basking in sunshine so we decided to head to Holland Park for a picnic, giving us the chance to eat crisps and buns, undoing any benefits from the last couple of days. The park was bustling with people desperate to lap up the sun and as always I enjoyed people watching. It is my 45th summer on this particular planet and I had a definite sense of nostalgia when I looked at young couples awkwardly courting, not knowing if this was a date or just some sunbathing with a friend. We don't get many summers in our lives and not so many sunny days like this (that coincide with a holiday), so the older you get the more aware you become of the transitory nature of such things, which I don't think I really understood when I was 22 and thought that life would basically carry on like this forever. As it happens, it pretty much did which was brought into sharp focus by all the families that were gathering there also. How the fuck did I get this old? Am I ever going to stop feeling like I'm 22 and acting like I am 4? How did those 44 summers pass without me noticing? It felt like my life was a book that someone had flicked the pages of and briefly stopped to look at page 212. At least if they had been on a Kindle they would have had to laboriously wait for each page to load in turn. It would have been quick, but not as quick. That's another reason why ebooks are best. But they didn't have ebooks for the first 40 of those years. I hope there's something that engages the reader on page 212 or they might just flick all the pages until they get to the end.
Most of the other families there were good adverts for the concept of breeding. There were funny babies waving their arms wanting to be fed and bold toddlers careering around trying to make friends with everyone, with mothers trying to steer them away from sleeping strangers. That looked like it might be fun. Then we passed a mother walking with her six year old son who was reaching up his arms and demanding "Upsies" in a cold voice before adding, "There is no way I am walking". Oh dear, what if I ended up fathering a cunt like that? To be honest given who I am that would seem to be quite likely. They would definitely be childish. Or maybe I should wait until science has a way of ensuring that the whole personality of a baby can be taken from the mother.
Despite all this weirdness and having to try and come to terms with who I am and how I have wasted my life and ruined the life of my poor girlfriend, I enjoyed the park and the sunshine, plus at one point I saw a lady's boobs for free (she was sunbathing topless like this was the continent), so all in all, not a bad day.
My poor, poor girlfriend.
