Days without alcohol - 4.
Jesus this year is going slowly! What can that be? All these extra hours in the day!
I am ridiculously invigorated at the moment. It can't just be the non drinking can it? I mean it's only four nights, but it's a little while since I've gone for that long with nothing to drink at all. And my body and my brain are thanking me. I was full of ideas today and made some progress on the sit-com. Nothing down on paper, but a feeling that I have good characters and usable ideas for episode one at least. Mostly I just feel a bit happy, which is a surprise to me. I thought that was alcohol's job, but now I discover that it is actually a depressant. Why was I lied to?
I felt so evangelical about sobriety today that I even convinced myself I'd stay off the sauce for a year and maybe write a book about it. I'm 40 years old now, surely I don't need it as a social crutch any more. Surely I am interesting and entertaining enough to have a social and dating life without being pissed... well maybe not. But it might be interesting to see what effect long term abstinence had on my health, productivity and personal life.
I think this will pass. I've had four nights in a row in the house, which again is something that has not happened for a long, long time. For the moment it is a novelty, but soon surely I will start climbing the walls and crave human company. And you know, it would be nice to have sex at some point during the year and you have to be drunk to do that right? With me anyway. And though I could still have sex with drunk women without being drunk myself that seems wrong somehow. Best that neither of you are really in control of what you're doing, right?
But it's tempting three days in to knock the booze on the head. Maybe I am finally going to start acting my age.
Don't worry, it's not likely. I won't be happy for long and normal service will be resumed.
The other thing I have really got into in this stupid spurt of healthiness is herbal teas. I have been moving this way for a while, trying to wean myself off my traditional daytime tipple of diet coke and cut back on the coffee a little. I have discovered this brilliant liquorice tea that is the most unbelievably tasty thing considering it is just hot water poured on some dust... and if I keep this up you're all going to be emailing in begging me to start drinking again. Is he writing about liquorice tea? What has the world come to?
It gets worse. I was in Starbucks this afternoon, writing a story about youthful fumblings at Draycott Strawberry Fayre and I decided to have a green tea. Not only was I surprised to discover this was going to cost me at least £1.45 (for one tea bag? Well fair enough Mr Starbuck has to make his money somewhere and he can't be making much on charging £2.50 for a cup of coffee). Sure I could buy a whole box of tea bags for that, but I couldn't sit inside a warm cafe and I'd have to do my own washing up and I don't carry a kettle around with me (though maybe with this new fogeyism I might take to going everywhere with a flask full of pre-boiled water), so it's maybe worth £1.45.
But that is for a small cup. For a medium sized cup of tea, the price goes up to £1.55. That is ten pence more, for what? A small amount of boiled water. It's tea. And then if you want a massive cup, it's £1.75. Mr Starbuck is charging you 30 pence for water, admittedly heated water, but 30 pence? Surely it should just be the same price and you have whichever size cup you feel like. And then maybe get more hot water if you fancy giving your tea bag another crack. It's costing you enough already!
Yeah maybe they give you another tea bag if you have the big cup. But how much does a tea bag cost? People have a problem with Starbucks, but for the wrong reasons. You should picket them for the cost they ascribe to old leaves and water. You can pick that shit up out of the gutter for free. And I will do so from now on.
And I challenge anyone who says that sober people are tedious.
Warming Up might be more fun for a while if you get drunk before reading it!
Thanks for the guessing the length of abstinence quiz (I think those of you who said six days might be on to something) - some of you seem quite desperate to win so I have added a condition. I have to knowingly choose to drink alcohol. If one of you slips some vodka into my orange juice on the day of your choice, then that doesn't count.
Back to the last competition -
OK, I have nearly got through the Herculean task of enveloping up all your Krazy Krizes. There are a few people that I don't have addresses for. I have managed to email a couple of you, but the others I am lost with. There is a chance that this is my own fault and you've slipped beneath the cracks, but these are the names of the people I don't have addresses for.
Please email me at Herring1967@googlemail.com if you want the shit that is rightfully yours.
John Carr
James Ringer
Oliver Levy
Matthew Wainman
Richard Crowther
mrmeh
Roger Stillman
Alison Kiernan
Neil Martin
Joris Gillett
Claire Bennett
Loretta Riorden
Arvid Cross
Ian Mowat
