No, body. I am sorry. I am not going to let you be ill, there is no time. I felt a bit better after a sleep, but the lurgy fought back against my determination to beat it by sending me more aches and pains. I want to stay young, but it is going to make me old. And as if to emphasise that, out of nowhere my hip started to hurt. Why can't we live forever?
I managed a swim, but only for 12 minutes and then I headed back to the empty changing rooms. Typically a man arrived and was using the locker right next to mine. When this happens, of course, you are supposed to look at each other and say, "Herring's Law" (however empty the changing room when you return to your loceker someone will be using the locker right next to yours). This will ensure my immortality. But I didn't do it, for fear that the man might recognise me and say, "But aren't you Herring? You can't try and popularise your own law like this." But I bet you Murphy and Sod did exactly that. I am noble and want it to catch on without cheating. So you do it. You'll need to explain it the first few times, but it will catch on.
Tonight at the Leicester Square Theatre I was interviewing two comedy greats, Alexei Sayle and Greg Davies. Alexei had a worse cold than me and I worried we might just sniff an cough at each other, but it was an illuminating and fun chat. Alexei is one of my absolute comedy heroes and a man who was probably the lynch pin of the whole Alternative Comedy scene. He spoke amusingly and charmingly about those early days, indulging me as I quoted some of his Young One's stuf back at him. I can't believe we haven't done this before, but we shot some extra footage in the dressing room which we will probably be putting up on the secret channel that you get access to if you donate at least a pound a month. Thanks to those of you who believe that the free stuff we're giving out is worth 3p a day or who just want to help us produce ever more internet based stuff. We intend to really make your generosity worth its while too. There will be loads of little bonuses and prizes and stuff for you over the coming months. Come and join us waverers. You know you want to see a video AIOTM.
The Sayle interview was sober and refined as befits a man of such influence and historical significance, but the Greg Davies one was raucous and disgusting and possibly the one with the most laughter ever (the sound man, George, said that he has never heard such a loud response from the audience - but I did tell Greg afterwards that he'd only worked on the show for two weeks). I performed one of the sex fantasies from the dirtybritcom confessions on Greg, so if you are only going to download one video from the series then this is probably the one to choose. When this show goes right (and it nearly always does) it is an utterly joyful thing. I had forgotten I wasn't well (aside from a slight concern that my nose was leaking snot juice everywhere - I kept touching my nose to check, which made Greg touch his nose to check all was well with him, which made me check again and so on). If you get a chance to come along and watch you will have an awful lot of fun. Next week it's Danny Baker and Josie Long
Greg and I also had a protracted discussion about Guy Fawkes and how he was killed. A man in the audience joined in saying I was wrong to say that Fawkes had committed suicide by jumping off the scaffold. There was some amusement about the pointlessness of this, but by dying outright he prevented himself from experiencing being drawn and quartered. They did it to him anyway, of course, but it's not as bad when you're dead.
I had a thoroughly pleasurable evening. Thanks to everyone in that lovely audience. Come and join them next time!