Thinking about it Lamacq seems a bit like a made up name as well. And if it isn't what are the chances it is spelt like that? With a q on the end? I wouldn't be surprised if there is more to Steve Lamacq than meets the ear.
I am gamely trying to get my life into order as I do about once every six months. It's time to tidy up my desk, get my affairs in order and start to work efficiently. I usually try to lose weight and give up drinking at the same time. What is remarkable about these resolutions is that it makes no difference to me that I have tried all this before and failed within days or weeks. There is something almost admirable in my faith that I can change my life, faced with all the evidence which says I can't. But this time I am really serious about getting motivated and fit. It makes no difference that I say that every time I do this. The other times I was wrong. This time I am going to change and GET THINGS DONE. Oh yes you may cynically sneer and say, "So you haven't had a drink for two days and you've made a to do list - well we'll see how you go. I notice that many of the things on your to do list have been on every to do list that you have made in the last two years. You still haven't bought any pictures for your house or put up that blind in your office or bought a coffee table."
"Yes, but I have had my kitchen wall mended."
"True, but you haven't had it painted yet, so there is still a bit white plastery bit where the crack once was. You are pathetic and make me sick."
"Oh and you're so perfect are you? Who are you anyway?"
"I am an everyman reprentation of your readership."
"Oh yeah, cos you get so much done don't you? You should be working and you're reading this instead."
"Er... this is about you, not me."
"Don't you see? It is about us all. We are all like this and rather than scoffing at me for my false hopes and hypocrisy, you should recognise that there is a tendency to laziness and disorganisation in us all to some degree. After all I claim to be unmotivated, but I get a lot of work done in the end. I have after all been trotting out this shit for over 1000 consecutive days. Does that seem to you like someone without the willpower to change their life?"
"It's all very well for you to criticise me, but I am just a construct of your own imagination and so am in essence you as well. You are only having a go at yourself."
"Well that's sort of my point about you. So we agree."
"Of course we agree. We are the same person."
"Which one am I in this conversation again? Am I me or the everyman figure. I have lost track.
"You are you. But you just said we are the same, so it doesn't matter.... and anyway hasn't this run its course by now? Aren't you just prolonging it as an excuse not to tidy up your desk and get on with your actual useful work?"
"Aren't you?"
"I don't have any work. Once this conversation is over I will cease to exist. Only whilst this entry is being written can I talk and enjoy this pseudo-existence."
"Oh in that case I'll knock it on the head there. I think I've done enough to keep the nerds happy. To be honest very little happened today. I did a photo shoot for my new "Heads Up With Richard Herring" poker show - details of how to get tickets to the right - but nothing amusing or noteworthy happened there. So I have to thank you for keeping this conversation up and fulfilling my contractual obligation. Now it is all over."
"Noooooo..... Aiiiiieeeee!"
Oh, I did have something to write about.
I have been enjoying the disparate reactions to my show on the edfringe page, though slightly surprised by how many people not only didn't enjoy the show, but have felt moved to share their displeasure with the world. I don't really care that they didn't like it. I am pleased with the show and enough people enjoyed it and I knew that not everyone would like what I was doing this year - that's what Edinburgh is about, experimenting and taking chances, not giving people what they expect. But the latest comment from Marc Jones amused me. This is what he said,
"Third time seeing Richard herring at the fringe was a disappointing experience. Christ on a Bike was excellent...Talking Cock was that rarity, a show that made you weak with laughter, and leave with talking points. Yoghurt, however, is just about Richard being bored. I doubt if anyone can truly say they were offended...it was just the boorish bloke in the pub being loud and in your face. wow. ZZZZZZzzzzzzzz..more significantly, I have now handed over £30 to this bloke...can I have some back?"
I am certainly not bored by this show, as I think anyone who has read about my stand up experiences this year would attest I am invigorated and excited by this new direction. I occasionally get a bit bored with Warming Up, as today's entry shows quite clearly, but the feeling soon passes. It's a shame that Marc was bored. What I find surprising about his comments is that he found one show excellent and another made him weak with laughter, but now that he hasn't enjoyed the third one he's seen he wants his money back. I would say a ratio of two out of three isn't too bad. But for Marc having done one show that doesn't fit with his sense of humour means a refund is in order. The public have very high standards. If you send me your address and proof of identity Marc I will see what I can do. I can see why you would be angry. For me today's poor quality Warming Up is enough to make me want to have all the other 1000 entries destroyed.
On the positive side I do now have a new name for people with unreasonably high expectations, who think everything should be just to their liking - before it was a Goldilocks, but now it is a Marc Jones. Hopefully we can get that in the dictionary.
Oh and if you (that's any of you, not just Marc) would like a Someone Likes Yoghurt Poster or Programme, please follow the instructions in the column to the right.
