Made a little progress with the one of the six Relativity scripts that I have to do by December. Should have done better really, but at least I sat in my chair and wrote for a little while. But with lots of guests still to book for upcoming RHLSTPs a lot of my day was sent firing off emails and getting knock-backs or no reply…. It’s exhausting and slightly scary. Monday’s gig still only has one guest (though a good one in the shape of Robin Ince - book here
). They don’t call me Last Minute Herring for no reason. Or indeed at all.
I really can’t tell if I will manage to get the scripts done, but I think the fear of humiliation is starting to kick in, so hopefully that will leak out into productivity.
Was slightly distracted from work by Twitter, and weirdly not by the popular dispute betwixt two Wags that most people were obsessing over. Piers Morgan once again attracted my attention, which I am sure is all he wants. Every time he is RTed or mocked it plays into his hands, but then he’s an expert at making sure this happens. Sometimes he says quite sensible stuff, like he’s been taken over by a right wing alien and occasionally the real Piers manages to surface and make a point that a human being might, but generally he’s trying to aggravate people into a reaction, by pushing their buttons and knowing that they’ll respond and add to his legend. That ultimately his legend will be that he was a huge, glistening penis does not matter. The same is true of others who use this technique: Trump, Johnson, Clarkson, Hopkins, Lee - they don’t care how history will judge them (maybe banking on there being no history in the world that they have destroyed), only about the attention they can get in the moment. I am a comedian and am also the same and poking at idiots and making them annoyed for the amusement of my gang is part of my own modus operandi.
But it’s hard to know with any of the people above whether there actions are clever and calculated or just a result of their self-loving stupidity.
Today Morgan mocked someone called Bendell, who criticised him for being rude to a supporter of Extinction Rebellion by observing "Hi Jim, I understand your pain. I'd feel bitter too if my surname was an anagram of Bellend.”
The question is did Morgan know that this would cause thousands of people to tweet the surprisingly huge number of rude and apt anagrams of Piers Morgan? One would suspect he must know they are there. Maybe he was using that Trumpian deflection of hoping that if he point out deficiencies in others that no one will realise you suffer from the same deficiency. Or maybe he knew the anagram thing would hurt because it had so often hurt him. Or maybe he’s just stupid and didn’t realise people would do it to him too, but got to bask in the notoriety accidentally when everyone who did it.
But regardless of the suspicion that I was playing into his hand I couldn’t help but point out that his name is an anagram of “Spermi Organ”. I did, of course, consider going for, “I, Sperm Organ” but I don’t think it is as funny an insult. It has a more classical and positive spin, bringing up images of I, Claudius or I, Daniel Blake. Also Sperm Organ just means penis, whilst spermi organ (although obviously misspelled) implies a dirty penis, soiled with its own produce and glistening and limp like Morgan himself.
There was some discussion about which anagram was best and there was an excellent one of “Grim Persona” - HOWEVER, I understand comedy and mine was definitely the best in the circumstances and better than the rejected I, Sperm Organ by miles. And Grim Persona, although very clever is not the correct retort to the bellend comment, but would have been the best in a different circumstance
The only slight criticism I would make of my excellent anagram is that organ more or less appears in Morgan’s name, so I would deduct a point for that. But I am still the best. Unless I have just increased Spermi Organ’s fame, in which case he is the winner.
I suspect he is the winner.
Though history, if any, will be his judge.
RHLSTP with Sara Barron is up here on audio
And there’s another chapter of Stone Clearing
for your (non-sexual) delectation