I am slowly getting closer to acting my continental shoe size and assimilating the fact that I am now in my 40s, but every now and again something happens to make me realise just how much I still see myself as a child.
I was out for a grown up Sunday lunch at a friend's house this afternoon. There were three adult couples and four children aged between about 8 and 13. The adults chatted whilst the children mainly sat in bored silence and tutted at the idiosyncrasies and idiocy of their parents. Sometimes they got to join in and they were all clever and funny tiny human beings, but I remember being in the same position as them and these enforced gatherings can be dull affairs if you're a child. Once dessert was over my friend said, "Right, who's up for some Wii bowling!" I was quite excited and thought, "Yeah, video games!" that'll liven up all this boring crappy adult sutff!" (you know obviously after I'd thought of all the hilarious puns about bowling with wee) and I prepared myself to join in. Then I realised that the offer was really only open to those under 14 and I had to stay and talk about kitchen extensions and dinner parties. Because even though in my heart I am still in the kids camp, kicking my legs under the table with boredom, itching to get away and do something more interesting myself, in reality almost five times older than the youngest of those kids and I still belong at the table with the proper adults.
It was only a tiny part of me that felt the buzz of excitement at escape and in truth I was being mainly just as grown up and boring as the others. It was just interesting and slightly tragic that I still ally myself with those born at the turn of the 21st Century, when I hail from that lost and distance decade of the 60s.
It's funny, but borderline insane as well. Seems everything makes me happy and sad at the same time these days. I am glad that the ten year old Richard Herring still lives on inside me, but he might hamper my ability to fit in in the adult world. I guess it would only have been a real problem if I had bounded from the table and joined on with the game and not noticed that I wasn't supposed to be there. So perhaps there is hope for me. Or no hope for me. Depending on whether you think the 10 year old Richard Herring had the world figured out.
I didn't play Wii Bowling (at least I thought about wee bowling, so there is some hope for me, though I suspect if I'd tried that joke on the kids they would have found it immature and obvious) but instead ate some fennel and pomegranate salad. The ten year old me would have been throwing up at the very idea, but I found it delightful. Then I had a little biscuit with some brie cheese on it. Fuck you 10 year old Richard. You can hide but you can't run.
My girlfriend pointed out that this was probably all to do with being the youngest child and being allowed to remain artificially young much longer than I should perhaps have been allowed to. She said that my friend's eldest daughter had got quickly bored of playing the Wii and come back to hang around with the adults. Because she was the oldest she wanted to be seen as an adult. Because I was the youngest I wanted to be seen as a kid.
As I left I pointed to a photo on the wall of my friend's eldest daughter from when she was about four, playing a guitar. I was working with her dad then so saw her a lot around then. "Where's that lovely little girl gone?" I joked. The 12 year old stared back at me and remarked "She died."
Perhaps nothing could demonstrate the difference between the eldest and youngest child more than that.
