Warming Up

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A lot of people getting in touch to tell me that scientists have been studying Hitler's DNA and determined that he might possibly have had testicular issues after all (how did the songwriters know?) and maybe a micropenis (first the moustache, then the ball, then.... nothing).

Obviously a lot of people are concerned about looking into Hitler's DNA, presumably because they fear that Richard Attenborough might use it to create a Hitler World, where great extinct Nazis can once again walk the earth. Of course they will be safely locked up and there will be no danger of them rising again. Unless something goes wrong. But so many of Attenborough (and his pals)' enterprises have ended in disaster, so you can be pretty sure they'll be taking some pretty stringent precautions this time.

Unlikely to get many visitors though, when the actual world is becoming Hitler world. How about a tourist attraction that shows you what the world would be like without fascists. You may call me a dreamer.

Of course DNA can't give you definite diagnoses and there's no proof that Hitler had unusual genitals (to be fair they're all pretty unusual). The report also says that he was in the top 1% for a predisposition to autism, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Again it doesn't mean that he had any of these conditions and some people are worried that associating Hitler with these conditions will be bad for the people who also have them, but haven't gone on to do any Holocausts or started any wars at all.

Though the kind of people who make the most negative noise about autism and other mental issues are generally the most right wing. So maybe if they realise their hero Hitler was autistic, it will actually mean they will be much more likely to lose their prejudice. We just need to find out Hitler was gay, black and trans and then the world will live in harmony.

As you'll know if you're read or seen Talking Cock, penis size is not as important as people seem to think and if you've seen Can I Have My Ball Back? you will know that having your balls messed around with does not change anything about you as a person. However I reckon most Nazis probably aren't as forward thinking on this one, so if we start equating Nazism with micro-dicks then I think all the fascist parties would close down overnight.

One has to say though that looking at someone's DNA and making judgements about what they are like is the kind of thing Hitler would be really into. So I think the negative outweigh the positives on this one.

A fun maths based chat with Matt Parker on RHLSTP Book Club discussing his book Love Triangle (and Matt will return with a studio RHLSTP early next year) went up today.

Buy the book here.