And this is why I am getting too old for this shit. Though admittedly it’s unlikely I will do many tour shows with two kids in tow. We had to get from Cheddar to Hertfordshire and then I had to get from Hertfordshire to the Leicester Square so that I could do my stupid podcast show. And along the way I had to research my guests. And I was very, very tired before I’d done any of that.
But on the bright side this would be my third to last professional engagement of 2017 (one more RHLSTP and an appearance on another podcast in December), so as long as I didn’t die from exhaustion, then things should be a lot easier for the next six weeks (or maybe 10 as I don’t think I have anything in the diary for January either). On the downside I was tired enough to welcome death. I’ve had a good knock.
I got through it all though and it was worth the effort. It’s always a delight to see Richard Osman, however rude he is about my Pointless appearances or my mum. His book “The World Cup of Everything”
is an instant Christmas classic. It’s full of jokes and fun facts, but also the game at the centre of it will be terrific fun to play on Christmas Day. Better than Christmas Emergency Questions? It’s not my place to judge. But no, not quite as good as that. But probably safer to play with your gran.
My other guest was the multi-talented Katy Wix, who had an amazing story about meeting Dire Straits which was worth the entrance fee alone. But in the audience banter bit of that podcast I was lucky enough to encounter a man with a dream job. Not for him, but for any comedian looking to see what their front row does for a living. He told me that he was an insect scientist. I mean I could have done an hour just with him. First of all is he a scientist that studies insects or an insect that has become a scientist, but also, what evil experiments has he carried out in his life. The Universe seems to be just giving out to me at the moment and I had a lot of fun chatting to him and the retired insect scientist who was sitting next to him (wouldn’t it have been amazing if that had just been a coincidence?) They in turn were sitting next to a nuclear physicist. You can see, I am sure, how this stuff just writes itself.
It was hard to keep up the energy, but luckily show two (I mean next week’s show - we only do one) was quite laid back and thoughtful anyway.
It’s a privilege to do this job and lovely to do two shows, both with more than 400 people in the audience. Richard Osman who is doing OK with getting his stuff on TV, seemed impressed with what I have achieved on my own. I mean, I don’t think he’s going to swap places with me (I am definitely up for it if he wants to do a Prince and the Pauper with me - I reckon people might spot it). I splashed out and got a cab all the way home and then sat in my kitchen drinking whisky alone as my family slept (the best kind of drinking) and feeling pretty content. I then had to feed my baby and change his nappy, just to keep me grounded, and luckily I’d only had a little bit of whisky.
It’s five days to the fifteenth anniversary of Warming Up. Is it like Groundhog Day and I break the curse if I sort my life out and I am free to live my life again?
Of course it’s not. I am sure there will be much unhappiness to come for me, but for now, exhausted by a mixture of hard work and hard parenting, I feel pretty content.
Nothing can possibly go wrong.