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Friday 31st July 2015
Friday 31st July 2015
Friday 31st July 2015

Friday 31st July 2015


My main industry of creating awful one-off T-shirts sprung back into business today as I began work on creating the rewards for the people who have bought tickets to all 12 of my shows at the Leicester Square Theatre. There’s still time to take advantage of this offer. In fact you might be crazy not to do so. Tickets for individual shows are £15, but if you buy for all 12 you only pay £100 (so almost half price). In all likelihood only about 20 or 30 of these “poster” T shirts will be made and I am certain that you will be able to make at least £20 (and probably more) for them on eBay. Although I’d like to institute a policy where a person has to also attend every show to get their T-shirt, that is probably not practical, which means you can also sell your tickets on to other people. If you manage to pass them on for £10 a ticket you will be making at least £40 for your £100 investment. In a way you’d be an idiot NOT to do that. It is highly illegal (I expect), but who am I to speak. I’ve probably stolen about £25 worth of pick n mix sweets in the last year.

The poster T-shirts require a little more time and care than the Kickstarter ones as they at least have to partly resemble the show images they are based on. I made a start as I am on Sunday Brunch at the weekend and they want me to show people what they could be getting. Even though I am not sure that’s a very good idea as it can surely only look me look deluded and insane (both in terms of my artistic skills and the fact that these monstrosities would encourage a viewer of Sunday Brunch to come to any of my shows), I can’t resist the opportunity to look insane and deluded on live TV, so I knocked off a Hitler Moustache (surprised myself with how good this one was, though it makes Hitler look quite nice - though then again it’s me, not him on the poster) and a Someone Likes Yoghurt (I created a new artistic style for this one - it’s horrific but I like my use of wide eyes and pink felt tip to make myself look suitably surprised and embarrassed). I then did a 12 shows T shirt as a prize for this month’s monthly subscriber draw and I think this one is actually pretty good. I know I am not going to be able to make the drawings look accurate, because I am shit at drawing, but this one really subtly apes all the previous programmes (nearly all recognisable) and somehow I have accidentally managed to do a picture of myself that is recognisably me. I am worried that I might actually be becoming a good artist. But not that worried.

Nah, I just looked at it again, it’s rubbish. Phew.

But what is vital with these T-shirts is that I am absolutely trying my best. That is the best that I can do. I promise you. 

I am pretty much delighted that 400 people haven’t all taken advantage of this offer. There’s a danger if I have to do too many T-shirts that there might not be a final show.

The Twelve Shows of Herring podcast is now available on the British Comedy Guide and iTunes. Please subscribe on iTunes to help get me to the top of the charts. You don’t even have to listen.

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My new stand up show, Lord of the Dance Settee will be touring from October 2014 to May 2015 All details here.
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