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Monday 17th December 2018

5863/18883

So close to the 18,888th day of my life. I hope I make it.
My early night didn’t really pay off as I am so used to just getting five hours sleep that I was up at 1.30am and unable to get back to sleep. At least I wasn’t filled with mental dread this time. Just annoyed that I had so much to do in the morning and was unlikely to be able to do it. 
I did drift off at about 5am though and got a little lie in, but woke up with a sore throat, and a lost voice and feeling terrible. I had been meant to do a fun Christmas gig tonight, but had had to pull out.
And I made an effort to work on the script I have to do before Christmas, but it’s hard to work with a clouded brain and I didn’t get far. And I am still at the point where the script feels terrifying to even attempt. It isn’t. It just feels that way. It will all come together of course, but not without me having to go through this game of chicken. 
I may have to give up writing so I can concentrate on my stone clearing-
Talking of which I recorded another stone clearing podcast on Saturday in the pouring rain. I wonder if that’s what made me ill. I can’t see that. Stone clearing is good for you.
And look, this is a stone clearing podcast, giving tips about stone clearing and that’s all it’s about. Don’t start looking at it as a metaphor for the loss of meaning in life as you get older, or the vain search for immortality or an experiment in what happens if you leave the warm home of sanity behind for 30-45 minutes and enter the wilderness of madness. If I was a clever comedian who won awards I would have said all that up front in order to alert people to how clever it was. 
And it isn’t clever. It’s stupid. And also has useful tips for stone clearers.
And don’t go saying it’s a metaphor for Brexit, just because it’s a man deciding to attempt something bold and different and ambitious, without any real thought for how it was going to play out and then when he realises he has lumbered himself with something impossible, he doubles down and insists own on continuing whatever the effects on his physical and mental well being. He has to believe it's possible, otherwise it makes his initial decision insane. It has to become a religious faith.
It’s nothing like Brexit. If anything it is a small portion of weekly sanity in a world that has gone mad. It’s about moving stones to the edge of a field so that the field has no stones on it and if you think it’s about anything else then you’re an idiot.


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