I was part of a charming gig tonight at the Museum in Docklands, where Josie Long and I had been asked to "curate" a bill of our favourite comedians. It was run by the guys from "Laughter in Odd Places" which puts on comedy shows in venues that you might not expect to see comedy. Like in a museum in Docklands.
As with the Lyric gigs, there is something particularly enjoyable about being part of a show where you have booked acts that you particularly like. I had selected Terry Saunders, Isy Suttie and Stephen Carlin who are all ace - go see them if you can. We were up in the Museum's lecture theatre and although it was only half full (everyone sitting on the left hand side of the aisle, which as Stephen observed made it look like a wedding with a popular groom and an unpopular bride) there was a terrific atmosphere, which made me really relaxed as the MC of my section and I ended up ad-libbing all sorts of nonsense, some of it a bit silly, much of it needlessly offensive, but most of it enjoyable on some level. I was quite scathing about the Museum of Docklands, which was a bit cheeky, but I was only kidding. I sarcastically imagined what amazing things might have happened in this room dedicated to the history of some docks might be and wished that I could have been a fly on the wall so I could have seen some of the lectures. Then I realised that if I had really wanted to see the lectures I could almost just certainly have come along and been a human on a seat, rather than going through all the rigmarole of transforming into a fly. Presumably if I was a fly then most of the things I would have witnessed would have made little sense to me anyway. I doubt my field of vision would go beyond looking for food and predators and that I would be incapable of understanding speech and not interested in humans at all, unless they happened to be eating a sticky bun or something.
I also wondered what a lecture on the history of the docklands would be like - "It was some docks for a while and then a load of cunts moved in" was my guess. There was a moment of hush and I thought maybe I had gone too far, but then it got a big laugh, like sometimes happens in films.
"This is fun isn't it?" I said and the audience agreed. "Is this the most fun you have ever had in a museum?" There was a somewhat muted reaction. "No, of course not. Some museums are really cool. Is this the most fun you've ever had in the Museum in Docklands?" There was an almost unanimous cheer. It was naughty to be so cheeky about our hosts, but it was all in a spirit of fun.
I was also picking on a young woman who told me her mum was a Jehovah's Witness. "Are you one too?" I asked. And she laughed and shook her head, "She's not very good then is she! I also said that it was good to have a video entry phone as I can just tell Jehovah's Witnesses to fuck off - which is weird because today (Friday) I was woken up after a restless night, firstly by some men digging up the road at 8.15am and then again a bit later by a Jehovah's Witness. Then when I got back to bed another Jehovah's Witness arrived about ten minutes later to ask if the other Jehovah's Witness had been here yet. I wonder if this was a punishment for my rudeness. Does news get round that fast? Well I guess if God tells them it does.
But it's fun when you do a gig and the stuff you're coming up with off the top of your head is as funny as the prepared bits and you start having ideas that might lead somewhere. And it was such a lovely group of comics as well, so we had as much fun backstage or back-lecture theatre. And I am sure
that the Museum in Docklands is well worth a look really. Go and have a look. If you can get passed the throngs of cunts in suits spilling out of winebars that used to be warehouses. Of the sort that were behind Josie and me as we got off the DLR at Bank. I think I prefer honest to God yobs in t-shirts and jeans to these drugged up, drunk idiots in their suits and ties who think the world belongs to them. Cunts was right.
