Thanks to those of you who have already answered the questionnaire. If you haven't done so, then I'd be grateful if you would. It took one person only 22 seconds to do. There's already some interesting stuff coming up, which I intend to act upon, including having the facility to add pictures to Warming Up - something which would be useful for today's entry, and which hopefully I will institute quite soon.
"The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls," claimed Paul Simon, incorrectly. In fact the words of the drunks and the idiots are mainly written up there. Alongside the drawings of the adolescents. But I guess I know what the brilliant and yet still slightly annoying song-writer was getting at.
I've noticed a few bits of amusing graffiti on the tube in the last week or so. Sometimes it takes low and uncouth wit to really get to the heart of something. Often it is the best and most effective satire of anything. One of these was on the poster for the new U2 album. I am not a fan of U2 and I find Bono portentuous and cloying. So I was delighted to see that someone had drawn a speech bubble coming out of his mouth saying, "I am a twat". Four words. No need to use the word "portentous". That on its own was enough to put the shade-wearing be-hatted fool in his place. But what made the satire perfect was that The Edge also had a speech bubble coming out of his mouth saying, "I am also a twat". The use of "also" there is sublime. And it's funnier if you imagine them actually saying it, like they are confessing to something that they've been getting away with for years. Perfect. One of the other two was adding "Me too", which wasn't quite as good and maybe over-egged the satirical pudding, but perhaps in its own way it parodied their ineffectual and interchangeable natures.
But it's funny because it's true and it's funny because someone took the (admittedly limited amount of) time to do it.
Tonight I saw another cracker. It was on the poster for the new Bridget Jones film, which I haven't seen, but am still guessing is a bit rubbish. I quite liked the original book (and not only because I am mentioned in it. I rule), but found the first film comedically lazy and a bit obvious (eg that bit where she answers the phone and says she's a sex goddess and then says, "oh hello dad" or mum or whatever. Not only was it an obvious, though crowd-pleasing joke, it is something that would never happen, because anyone would be aware that there was always a chance that a parent or other shockable person might be ringing - Bridget Jones more than anyone). Having seen the trailers involving more big pants and no phone message gags, I have made the uninformed and yet oddly informed decision that the second film will be worse.
So how had the subway prophet managed to satirise the whole Bridget Jones movie empire? Simply with the addition of one well-chosen letter, he pointed out to the adoring millions why they were wrong to go mad about this slightly rubbish thing. A quote on the poster from Christopher Tookey from the Daily Mail read, "I confidentally predict that it will be...." (incidentally rather cynically this first bit was all in lower case and smaller lettering than what followed) "...THE BIGGEST BRITISH HIT OF ALL TIME."
When you stop and think about it that isn't all that great a quote. It may have been written by someone who hasn't seen the film, or by someone who has seen it, but doesn't like it, but nonetheless can reluctantly predict that people will go and see it. It doesn't take Nostradamus to work out that there's a good chance of that.
But I don't want to defend Christopher Tookey. He's got a stupid name and he works for a shit newspaper. I suspect I would want to punch him if found myself in the same room as him for more than nine seconds. It's just a guess.
What the graffiti artist (and I don't think artist is too hyperbolical a word for him or her) had done was to add a letter S in front of the word "hit". Suddenly the word "HIT" becomes the word "SHIT" and thus the whole meaning of the sentence changes. It now reads, "THE BIGGEST BRITISH SHIT OF ALL TIME."
I genuinely think that that is genius. The image it conjures up is practically eidetic. The film has now been transformed into a steaming pile of poo, the biggest poo ever done in Britain, ever.
And if you look at the picture I took of this work of art (making me miss my tube in the process, but I wanted you to see) in the downloads section (for the moment. Come now - Don't be lazy), you will see why it is even funnier. Because the person responsible has made a salutory effort to make his letter S match the font and the colouring of the HIT. It's about the right size and shape and look he's shaded it in. A bit. Never mind that the biro is the wrong colour or that it was never going to look anything other than written. The slight and minimal effort he/she's gone to makes him/her stand out from your everyday vulgarian.
A lesser graffitier would have just scribbled the S in hastily, hoping he wouldn't be caught in the act. But this vandal has risked capture and possible imprisonment in the hope of fooling an extremely casual observer into thinking that the poster actually says "SHIT". Probably someone, somewhere, thanks to this guy/gal now believes that "THE BIGGEST SHIT OF ALL TIME" was one of the three nicest things said by reviewers about this movie and that the producers decided to use it because they had nothing else to fill the space.
It is a fine critique of the film and I think Christopher Tookey will be kicking himself (if he can find a spare second when he isn't being kicked by some indignant stranger) for getting so close to this sentence and just missing out.
The addition of that S, I would wager is funnier than anything that happens in either of the Bridget Jones films. And it makes me be delighted to live in a country where the people of the gutter are so delightfully whimsical.
