5182/18102
I had misplaced my watch and miscalculated the time it would take my phone to receive the latest update and I had to leave the house as I needed to get my stupid child to her swimming lesson in Chiswick. I knew it took about an hour to walk it and that I had about an hour before the lesson started so I set off at a lick, but it was strange not being able to check my progress. Very soon we’ll be back to a world where there is no internet or smart phones or unradiated food, but for now it’s very strange to be out of contact with everyone and not readily being able to see the time. I assumed I’d pass a church or a shop with a prominent clock, but I didn’t. And being a man I didn’t want to stop and ask anyone.
Worse I couldn’t stop and look at Twitter or see if I’d had any emails or a phone call (of course I hadn’t, I never get any, but that’s not the point) and when I got to the diving centre where the swimming lessons take place I remembered that my wife had texted me the new door code earlier in the week. No way of getting that. I was off grid. Indeed I couldn’t even go to a phone box and ring my wife because I don’t know her number and nor do I know our landline number and in any case we never pick it up when it rings, because we’ve given no one our landline number so it won’t be for us (it’s usually for someone who owes a catalogue some money, who presumably had our number before we did). If there was an emergency I was screwed.
Eventually I popped into a hotel near the diving centre assuming they would have a clock in the foyer, but they didn’t, so I asked the receptionist what time it was and it was twenty minutes before the lesson started. I had walked super fast out of fear of being late and not being able to check. I needed that time as I had to crack the code for the door. Some people were just leaving, but the door shut behind them, so I asked them for the code and it turned out that they weren’t totally sure. They gave me a number (somewhat undermining the security of having a code) but it didn’t work. These doors usually need a letter too. I tired X and Z at the end of the number, but it didn’t work. I nearly gave up because it’s never Y on these doors. But I thought I might as well try Y. And the door opened. Hope I haven’t helped any criminals out there who want to steal the pants of some parents who are taking their babies swimming.
I did miss my phone particularly. Just things like being able to check how long it is til the next bus (on the way home) is now something that is accepted as normal. It was strange to be waiting and unsure again.
I got home and got my phone with its no calls and two spam emails and felt safe again.
The RHLSTP with Simon Munnery is up in the usual places
In any decent world Munnery would be heralded as the comedy genius he obviously is. But our world is indecent and he must make do with being secretly heralded by the underground resistance.There's lots of surprises in it and moments of genuine fear for me. You'll love it.
