We always knew the honeymoon would be short, but it felt like it was over before it had begun, even though our train didn't leave until after 6pm. We walked through Paris in the rain and went to the Eiffel Tower, though didn't feel like wasting two hours by joining the queue to go up and then enjoyed a long and lazy lunch in a bistro. Even if just for two days it's been terrific to have all our time to ourselves, not thinking about work. The marriage stays strong and I am pretty certain we've remained faithful to each other thus far, though my wife did spend a long time in the loo at the Gare de Nord, so you never know.
I have to say that being so close to the Seine with my new wife made it very hard to resist the temptation to throw her in, not just because of the impetus I have to do this by any body of water, but also because I could then make the joke about her being "in Seine" as well as one about me probably being insane. It's a double whammy. If I was insane and lived in Paris I would spend all time in the river, laughing continuously. Maybe that's what the boat race bloke was aiming for, but he got his cities mixed up. That's the problem with being insane, it's hard to do the insane/in Seine joke because your internal logic and ability to understand humour breaks down. Now I also have the compunction to throw my wedding ring into any body of water that we pass. It would be so wrong and so stupid that it becomes ludicrously tempting. Plus there's a chance that the man who tried to give me that gold ring yesterday might find it and be put in a real quandary about how to behave.
But the things I want to throw into rivers are my wife, my wedding ring and my iPhone which are the three things I love most in the world (though not necessarily in that order) so maybe that shows this madness is a good thing to be on this list.
I asked my wife if she was going to get a new passport in her new brilliant name and she seemed to think that it was a shame to have to get a new passport when her current one is only a few months old. But then when she got to the passport control there was a small issue with her documents and I wondered if some computer knew she was now married and she was going to be sent to prison. But the chip in her passport had not worked and the man suggested she should get a new one. Ha ha ha. She will not be able to shake off the shame of being a C Herring.
I found it hard to process the fact that I will be back on tour tomorrow. From Paris to Andover. That causes a little mental turbulence.
On the train back to Harpenden there was a woman reading the Metro. I wondered if she would chance across my
column for this week. Sure enough she turned to that page and started to read. I could only see her from behind so it was hard to gauge her reaction, but her shoulders were not shaking with mirth, but she read the whole thing. In fact judging from her eye line she went back from the second column to the first about three times, so either something wasn't making sense or she wasn't concentrating. It was strange observing someone reading something I'd written (maybe the first time I've seen this) and I kept hoping she;'d turn round and see me standing there and get a shock. But she didn't. In fact she got off at Harpenden, as did I and walked beside me for a good few seconds without seeing the person who had written the thing she was just reading. Or maybe ignoring me out of embarrassment. Who knows?
We went back to Paris when we got home by watching Hugo on DVD, set in the city. It was OK, but dragged on a bit I thought. And I'd be interested to know how Hugo's father died and why.
I forgot to carry my wife over the threshold on our return, but maybe I should save that for our return to Shepherd's Bush. I am loving being married so far, though tonight would be the first night we spend outside of a hotel and I'll have to make my own breakfast tomorrow. And I've pretty much been pissed since Saturday so who knows how I'll feel when that all wears off.
