Warming Up

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I thought Monmouth might be a bit of a sleepy place, but within an hour of my arrival I saw a woman who was nearly in Beyond the Fringe get backed into by a van driven by a decorator who smelled of something herbal (and who then went up a ladder to do two hours of painting) and helped someone off the top of a bike shed as they were shitting themselves.

All in a day’s work for Richard Herring on tour.

Both the lady and the pooer were fine. The pooer’s pants did need a wash though.

It was all go today and as I finally stepped on stage I felt a bit shaky and light-headed. But I ‘d been on the go since I’d been ripped from sleep by my daughter waking up (quite a rarity these days, as I tend to wake before her now) and suddenly realised that this last bit of the tour involves 10 gigs in 11 days and the day off was spent flying back from Ireland. No wonder I was a bit knackered.

And I’d tried to fit loads in. My struggle to buy a new car is finally over. I went to test drive a couple of people carriers (needed for my touring, but also for transporting my family around - the Golf is just not big enough for any mildly ambitious trip). I had none of the issues I’d had with the last test drive and the dealership I had found was eerily quiet, so I had the full attention of the salesman. He didn’t go for the hard sell - I suspected to a point that he wasn’t totally familiar with what the car could do- but I liked that about him. I just drove two cars around north London and ascertaining that the second one worked and was within my budget decided to go for that. We should have it in time for our family holiday in Devon next week. 

And that’s another of the things we need to do before we move sorted out. 

But then I had to drive back across London in order to meet up with my tour manager to head to Monmouth. I had lots to do on the journey and am pleased to say that I’ve got very close to booking all the guests for RHLSTP. About two weeks ago this task was filling me with despair, but with only a couple of guests to book now I think this might be the strongest line-up yet. The stand outs for me are Paul Merton as the first guest - I’ve been trying to get him on for ages as he’s one of my absolute comedy heroes and Andrew Collins and I will be producing our first podcast in 6 years (almost exactly 6 years since the schism). Will we fight or fuck or just talk a lot about bumming? Who knows? But  inadvertently Andrew created RHLSTP (or at least I wouldn’t have done it unless we’d stopped the other podcasts) and I think we are both mature enough to move on. Apart from me. I am immature enough to move on. I hope the old fans will reconvene to see this historic meeting.

June 5 Paul Merton and Joe Thomas

July 24 Sara Pascoe and Ed Byrne

Delightfully this strong line up leaves me with a bit of wiggle room to try and get 2 more fantastic guests. Very excited about doing these now. Buy tickets here. Most of these should sell out I think.

Driving through Wales, I was almost overwhelmed by the beauty of the countryside in the sunshine.

And then in Monmouth I met up with a friend who seems to have 500 children and whose life is thus a whirlwind of adventure. It put our own adventures with one child into some kind of perspective and it was fun to be part of the chaos for an hour or so, though I am not sure how I’d cope if I lived in the gigantic shoe that this family inhabit. One child demanding your attention and crying is tricky enough, but when three are doing it and another two are climbing up rickety garden walls or pooing themselves - it’s a never ending cavalcade of fun.

As if that hadn’t been enough things were enlivened by the near running over of an elderly neighbour. Luckily the refreshed driver of the van stopped reversing before she was under the wheels, but she was knocked to the floor. 

But for me, used to the loneliness of the road, this late afternoon in the middle of a boisterous family, eating sausages and leek surprise (the surprise was that leeks are delicious if you cover them in cheese and cream) was idyllic. I sat in the garden and defeated the eldest child at Battleships and then reassured him that there wasn’t going to be World War Three just yet and that America wouldn’t be fighting against us if there was one (though to be honest, I wasn’t really 100% sure about either of those facts). As a parent you think that a two year old is tricky, but then you see all the stuff you have to deal with as they get older and the essentially insane way they are trying to process the bits of information that have come through to them…. I decided to cut my bollocks off right now. One of these things in the house is enough. I don’t want another one crawling in and demanding food and trainers. I don’t know why people are so worried about immigrants - the real workshop spongers are coming out of our women. They have to be stopped.

So I felt a bit ill and detached on stage, but think I can make it through to the weekend and then enjoy a brief holiday, as much as that will involve looking after my own illegal immigrant. It was a physical struggle, but the audience mainly seemed to like it, even if it was a bit racy for this rural audience in places. Apparently there was a walk-out or two, but most of the Monmouth people who braved my show were fine with it. Only six more gigs - Oxford sold out, fewer than 20 tickets left for Shrewsbury.