The whole weekend was set aside for celebrating my 43rd birthday, which doesn't actually happen until Monday, though first I had to get the small matter of the Collins and Herring 6Music show out of the way. The poetry smack down was once again my favourite part of the show. I am sure even if you listened to it, all the serious poetry scholars out there would like a hard copy to study at your leisure and appreciate my teenage wisdom. I had read it through in the coffee shop before the show and one line had made me laugh until tears ran down my face, for a good 5 minutes. In a way it was a shame that that hadn't happened live, but overall I was pleased that I had been prepared, as it still cracked me up. See if you can spot it, though to be fair, there are a few candidates in this portentuous and ridiculous poem
Once there was a perfect river
It was pure and clear
Animals could drink from it
With no need to fear.
Greenery was all around
Trees provided shade
Man had left it undisturbed
The price would soon be paid.
Man makes beauty fade.
The river runs down to the sea
Bad men come and go
One day good men may bring change
But the change will be too slow
And the river may cease to flow.
An evil man, so fat on wealth
One day found the water
It looked just right for factory waste
Never mind the slaughter.
Poison spilled into the pure
Creatures drank and died
It had turned their throats to pus
And burned out their insides.
A single child cried.
The river runs down to the sea
Bad deeds start to show
But selfish man ignores the signs
And the bad deeds start to grow
And the river may cease to flow.
Other bad men saw the plan
And the money saved
In waste poured and profits soured
The way their minds behaved.
All life round the river died
Evil soaked the ground
Good men started to protest
But their voices made no sound
In poison they were drowned.
The river runs down to the sea
The horns begin to blow
But bad men lie about their deeds
For they see no tomorrow
When the river may cease to flow.
The poison spread across the land
To water kept for drink
No one saw the dangers yet
There'd been no time to think.
Disease and death were all around
Confrontation nears
The only water that was pure
Was from an orphan's tears
At least now someone hears.
The river runs down to the sea
It doesn't stop for sorrow
People cried "There must be change"
People can be slow.
The river may cease to flow.
At last the good men did win through
And they found a cure
A few bad men were locked away
Everything was pure.
But before it all had ended,
So unluckily
Most bad men had switched their plans
And were poisoning the sea.
The people let it be.
The river still runs to the sea
But now, here's the blow
Before bad deeds come to light
New ones start to grow
And the river has ceased to flow.
I add a note at the end to explain the apparent paradox in the final verse, "The last line is meant to convey that by the time things change it doesn't really matter anymore because the problem has gone already."
Yeah so I am much cleverer than you thought, you idiot.
So it may be a little pompous, but how prophetic. It's like I foresaw Chernobyl and the BP oil spill as well as many other disasters.
Hmmm.
My girlfriend pointed out that I was writing comedy at the time I was writing this poetry and yet was unable to see my own ridiculousness and lack of awareness. Ah, but how I love that idiotic young me.
The rest of my day was filled with feasting and frivolity and wine-bibbing and cocktail bibbing and whisky-bibbing. We saw a play, had a posh dinner and watched a film about Bill Hicks. It felt like a long time since I have had a whole Saturday off and been out and done stuff. Luckily tomorrow is more play and no work as I think I may be a little hungover.
