A lovely day doing pretty much nothing but eating, lounging by the pool, drinking beer and laughing, which is, I guess, what holidays are for. I didn't see any rats today, but you can't have everything. I told my girlfriend that if we ever have a son that I'd like him to be called Jesus Herring. She didn't seem so keen. But I thought it would help him stand out - it'd be an ice breaker at parties and I also want to send out a clear signal to any offspring that I have that I expect them to live lives as influential as Christ's. At least. Hopefully they will be better than Jesus. And it will be pronounced Jesus, but Hesus.
I said if we had a girl that we should call it Shola Herring. It is a clever pun. See if you can spot it. I also suggested Leanne as well and tried to pass that off as a serious suggestion, but she was too clever and saw through my plan. Do you get it?
I think my girlfriend has decided not to have children with me. It is probably for the best. I will do my best to destroy their chances of happiness before they are even capable of conscious thought. The tiny non-existent idiots.
It was just idle banter - don't get excited.
By the pool we were visited by our bird friend (the one who had demanded food at breakfast the other day). There are loads of this species of bird at the resort and we were right over the other side of the beach, but I like to think it's the same bird, who likes us especially and wants to hang out with us. He had brought a few mates this time and we were amused to see a couple of them washing themselves in the pool. I don't know if they were cleaning themselves or keeping themselves cool, but it was funny to see them splashing about and ruffling their oily feathers. The water just dropped off them. "You were once dinosaurs and now look at you - begging for scraps and larking around - no pun intended- in swimming pools. You should be ashamed," I thought. But I didn't want to say anything because I knew the main bird liked us and I didn't want to humiliate him in front of his friends.
I had a pizza for lunch (I've been eating local food for pretty much every meal and it was nice to have a change) and I threw some scraps to my little bird friend. But today, surrounded by his mates rather than just with his wife (I am guessing) he was in much more boisterous and less cute mood. The whole thing turned a bit threatening as several birds tried to grab for the tiny morsels, one of them puffing out his chest and his neck feathers to try and make out that he was the best one and deserved the bit of crust. It was in danger of turning into an Alfred Hitchcock film as more nasty birds arrived and pecked the floor around us. I could only shoo them a short distance and they even came behind our loungers to try and sneak up on us. It's a shame that a bird who can be so charming at breakfast when there's just him and his missus can turn into just another lout when he's with his mates.
I refuse to contemplate the fact that it might have been a different bird.
That's right, my friends. Nothing happened today. As is only right.
