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Tuesday 11th May 2010

Up to Leeds today, with a hangover, but feeling a bit less grumpy than I had last night. Was excited to see the book reach a high of 36 in the Amazon chart and to hold in the top 50 for most of the day and at a slightly frustrating number 2 in both comedy and biography. Perhaps all the interviews I had done yesterday were actually making a difference.
On the train up I got an email from Ebury telling me that I had sold 1,560 copies between the 6th and 8th May which put the book at number 28 in overall paperback non-fiction chart. That's a very positive start. Even better news was I had sold 3 more copies than Piers Morgan.
I tweeted "How is it down there at #29 Morgan? Can't hear you from atop this book pile, 3 books higher than you!"
@JulianProkaza tweeted back with admirable pedantry, "Morgan's book is 6mm (and 128 pages) thicker than yours, so unless he sold 13 copies or less, his pile is taller..."
It's still a moral victory.
So this tentatively good news goes some way to making up for my disappointment on Monday. Only 10,000 or so copies to go.... hmmmm.
But if you have read the book and enjoyed it, then please do spread the word. If you didn't like it then still tell your friends it was good and then when they come back to you and say, "I read that book you recommended, it was shit," you can say "Yes, I know!" And laugh at them.
Political events were reaching an exciting crescendo as I headed down to Waterstones for my reading (and we sold another 70 copies afterwards to add to the total - the shop nearly ran out!) and I came back to my hotel to discover we had a new Prime Minister. I am disappointed, of course, that the Tories are in, but let's see if the Liberals can temper their excesses and as pessimistic as I am I think we should give them a chance. There is a possibility that this old Etonian and his cronies might be sincere in their claims to want to make the country better or at least that the pact will mean that some more Liberal measures are introduced. But even if Cameron turns out to be the bag full of shit that he resembles then I think this might be the best possible outcome for Labour. They get a new leader and a new impetus and something to fight against and then at the next election the Liberals will hopefully lose the support they got from people who voted for them in order to keep the Tories out. Clegg has a taste of power, but at what cost?
Ebury had put me up at the super posh Malmaison hotel and for what might be the first time in my life I was being treated to full account. Whatever I ordered would be paid for by Ebury. What a luxury and what a mistake by them. I would have assumed they had read my book, but maybe they haven't, so don't realise that I am a massive kid who will take full advantage of such an offer and act like I had been given keys to the sweetshop.
So I found myself, being governed by Tories and sitting in a restaurant on my own, eating steak and drinking a glass of the most expensive red wine on the menu (£10.75!!!!), feeling that if every day was like this then maybe Cameron wasn't going to be so bad after all. I couldn't bring myself to order a Magnum of Dom Perignon though and all I had from the mini bar was a pack of posho Pepperoni flavoured crisps (still £1.50 up). The main problem was that the Malmaison didn't have any Flumps or penny chews or Monster Munch in the place so I couldn't fill my bag and let Ian Ebury pick up the tab.
Oh and everyone should read and take note of this - http://whythatsdelightful.wordpress.com/2010/05/11/prague-1965/. This ludicrous sentence must be overruled for the good and sanity of our nation. How many terrorists announce their intentions on Twitter? The police should be scouring the internet for teenagers saying they're going to shoot all their classmates, because they're the only ones dumb enough to give prior notice of their crimes - but a stern warning was all that this fella deserved and it's important that people don't end up prosecuted for jokes like this, however unfunny they might actually be.
Time is running out to be sure of getting your name in the Christ on a Bike programme. There has been some astonishing generosity so far, but always room for more. Go to my justgiving page and donate at least £15 and your name will go down in history and you will be sent a limited edition signed programme in August once they're printed up (remember to email me your address and whatever you put as your name on the site will be the name in the programme). Whoever donates the most money will win my horrible stinking (though dry cleaned) Hitler Moustache suit (the full costume -so you can dress up as me) along with my battered copy of Charlie Chaplin's biography, the battered BNP leaflet from the show (which I will deface), the pink bucket decorated with the Hindu symbol of peace and get a signed Hitler Moustache DVD (which will be in the shops in the autumn) and the exclusive extras disc (which will only be available from go faster stripe). If you want to dress up as me as Hitler then you are
Also there is a very limited amount of space left for adverts so if you want to promote your business of know someone who would like to - all profit to SCOPE - then email me at herring1967@googlemail.com for rates. We're doing 40,000 copies this time and you might be surprised to find out how cheap it is to advertise. All copies given to the audience for free so that is 40,000 potential customers. Let me know asap if you're interested. Will need copy in the next couple of weeks. The Hitler Moustache fund has topped £25,000 and I would like to see if we can double that this year (once collections are taken into account). Please help if you can and remember you might as well give now because after two months of Tory government your money will be worthless.

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