Warming Up

I remember when Prince William was a baby. How can he now have babies? It doesn’t make any sense. He’s a baby himself. I saw him at Wimbledon and he was about three feet high, sitting next to his mum. I wonder what happened to her. She was nice.

We were up early today and I was home before midday and very delighted to see my own family again (my babies have reassuringly not grown into adults and had babies whilst I wasn’t looking). Being away from home has been getting harder as the tour has progressed. Luckily there are not too many more stints away from home now. 

I have enjoyed the shows more than ever before I think and it’s certainly been the most consistent tour in terms of audience reaction (even if there have been a few bumps in the more provincial arts centres) and I think average audience numbers are up. But I am glad that I’ve made the decision to duck out of the Edinburgh Fringe and a 2019 tour. I am sure I will be doing the odd gig here and there - I don’t want to stop doing stand up, just when I am getting better at it -  but seeing my son’s smile and hearing my daughter saying she doesn’t like me (before then adding “I just joking”) are experiences I don’t want to miss out on. I am sure that being away makes me appreciate them more and that my wife envies my time away as much as I envy her time with the children. 

But this magical time of childhood will not last long, as the ridiculous example of Prince William attests. I will get back to touring intensively when my own little idiots are teenagers!

And again, I was knocked sideways by the travel and only got minimal work done. I did manage to empty the composter that I bought last year, but that has proven too stinky and fly-attracting for our tiny garden. Also it has only had partial success as a composter. I emptied the last four or five months decomposing food and garden waste into the bin (the one for recycling food and garden waste) and hoped that the binmen would take it (they are stopping offering the garden waste service for free about now, so even if they are happy to take compost, they might not be able to take it). If I am left with a bin full of decomposing food I will probably have to go a bit Great Escape and work out how to secrete small amounts of it on my person and then drop it out of my trouser legs on country walks. 

It’s a shame that another attempt to do something grown up has failed.

I gave the kids a bath and got to read Phoebe one of her bedtime stories, the highly appropriate “There Was a Wee Lassie Who Swallowed a Midgie,"

- a Scotch take on the Old Woman Who Swallowed A Fly which I read to her in my patented authentic Scotch accent. She seemed to like the accent even less than the Scotch and told me to read it in my normal voice. Some people don’t appreciate great art. But it’s a funny book. Not as good as “A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo” though. Which is a wonderful piece of life-affirming glory, brought to you by the people behind John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight. That’s funny, inclusive, embraces difference, fights fascism and all the proceeds go to charity. And it’s genuinely moving too. You don’t need to have a kid to read it either.

Good to be home. 

Tickets for the DVD record at the Queen Elizabeth Hall on May 4th are selling steadily, but there’s still over 300 to go. I don’t think it’s going to sell out, but am going to keep pushing, because the more tickets we sell, the better the DVD will be. And remember everyone coming to the show not only gets a free show programme, but for this one gig only, also a copy of Christmas Emergency Questions (which sells for £10). I am aware the tickets are a little pricier than usual (though I insisted we charge the lowest allowed price for this venue) so am hoping this gift will off-set that marginally higher expense,

Spread the word to your London friends. It’s a big city.