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How is anyone with any intelligence not an alcoholic?
Feeling a bit battered down tonight so I turned to beautiful booze to help me through and it worked. It’s the only sensible way to cope with anything. And I ate some 80% dark chocolate, which is essentially just a brick of bitter dust. And it made me want to eat some 100% dark chocolate and then maybe some 110% dark chocolate. The % on my whisky is going up and now so are my sweets. I guess when you get to 100% on absolutely anything the people running this OBVIOUS VIDEO GAME pull the plug. Come on. None of this is real. Oh sure, you just happen to have beaten impossible odds to achieve life and you’re not even a bacteria or a dung beetle or even a cave man, you live in a time where you have a realistic chance of living in a centrally heated house (most of the time) until you’re 90. Sure mate. Sure this is all real. You idiot.
But who’s the biggest idiot, you for not realising that you are not real, or me for trying to make you understand that you aren’t real, when you don’t even exist?
Anyway, drinking has never done anyone any harm.
And the depressant did a great job of cheering me up (like it could only do in a VIDEO GAME) and I went to bed and slept like a brick of dry bitter chocolate. Man I think I only had half a bottle of wine. But I had fun cutting loose and pretending to be more drunk than I was and eating the aduki bean pie that I’d made whilst my wife was bathing the kids. I am properly ingrained into the country life and eating in, getting pissed and awaiting death. And it’s all wonderful. As long as you are drunk.
You know what they say, “some drink to remember…†hold on no one drinks to remember. You drink to forget, for a few blissful hours. I drink to remember that no one drinks to remember.
I am not an alcoholic. But then I am not that clever. Mainly due to having destroyed my brain with booze.
