I had assumed I would die from overwork over the weekend, so from now every day is a bonus and I am going to live life to the full, making the most of every second. You know, after today, when I just sat around playing internet poker and watching shit films on Sky Anytime. I have piles of great DVDs to watch, but that would have involved getting out of my seat and walking over to the DVD player and going through the complicated process of putting the DVD in. Plus I was too tired to watch anything good. What if I missed something important because I had a tricky hand of poker, or had dropped off. So no, "I Love Beth Cooper" and "Couples Retreat" (is that what it's called - what a terrible name if it is). The former was the better film, but only in the way that having diarrhea is better than being sick on to your own diarrhea. Well, maybe that's not quite fair. It was a coming of age film, not really aimed at me, trying to be the 21st Century Ferris Bueller's Day Off (even having one of the teenage actors from that film now playing the dad - when did I grow old?). It was trying to be quirky and clever, but not quite making it, though you do get to fleetingly see the side of the breast of the cheerleader from "Heroes" so maybe it's worth it. Because I am the kind of person who only wants to quickly see part of the breast of a woman half my age, not anything more graphic or titillating and I want to have to wait a good hour or so into the film before I see it. But it was a nice enough concept - what would be the consequences of a shy geek daring to say all the things he wanted to say on the last day of school and can the divides be broken down between the coolest girl and the nerdiest boy in school. The reality is that no, they can't. But it's fun to have a fantasy where they nearly can, before deciding that they can't. And it gave a fair crack of the whip at examining the dilemma from both sides, without making one better or worse than the other. Did I mention you saw the side of the girl from "Heroes" breast? I suspect many of you will now watch the movie. You make me sick.
"Couples Retreat" is pretty awful, especially given the calibre of the actors (including a spirited performance from Peter Serafinowicz from off of the Lyric comedy nights) and the fertile possibilities of a truthful examination of at the way that relationships can become stale or predictable or boring or prosaic. But it doesn't work at all and the plot doesn't make sense and after looking like it might bravely allow some of the couples to admit that they shouldn't actually be together has a stupid happy ending. But you do get to see the whole bum of a a big, fat man. So you have to weigh that up in the assessment. "I Love Beth Cooper" only has the side of a breast but "Couples Retreat" has the whole of an arse. It's a tough call.
I tried to watch the remake of "The Manchurian Candidate" too, but gave up almost straight away. I suspect there were no arses in that film at all and why waste my time watching it, only to be disappointed?
Having watched all that - as well as England holding the mighty Montenegro to a draw I had surely made the most of my day off, and tomorrow can move on with my plan to make the most of every single second. I am like a Chilean miner, reborn. And I bet the first thing that lot do is watch "Couples Retreat". Hopefully they won't accidentally end up watching "The Hole" instead.
