Four months until I am 44. My goodness that doesn't bear thinking of. Why can't I be 40 again? I loved being 40.
Nearly home now. I realised after tonight's gig in Doncaster that I was about 27 hours away from my own bed and seeing my girlfriend again. It will be good to be home. If I actually realised I was 43 I might think twice about this ridiculous lifestyle, but luckily I still think I am about 28 (though when I am back in my room on a Saturday night at 11pm, drinking tea and watching House on my iPad I do wonder why I am being so boring) so it's all OK.
I am managing to stay fit and healthy and when I put on my jeans for the first time in a fortnight I realised that they were falling down a bit, which has to be a good sign. I managed to go for a swim this morning as the hotel had a leisure centre complex. I have avoided hotel breakfasts (apart from the two times they were included in the price) and haven't gorged on Easter eggs like I seemed to do daily on the last tour (turning to chocolate to keep me awake and to distract me from the stigma of my moustache) and aside from those two pints last week I haven't had any alcohol. It's amazing how fresh I feel. I have been sleeping well and the shows are miles better as a result.
Tonight though at the start of the second half a woman questioned the photo in my programme on my biog page asking who it was of. I told her it was me, unsurprisingly and she then asked when it was taken. I am pretty sure that it is less than a year old (though maybe it is from about 16 months ago - it was taken at an AIOTM
recording). She obviously thought it had been photo-shopped or that it was from years ago. It was nice of her to try and undermine me by pointing out that I had aged in such a short time, though I did try to blame my four hours in Doncaster for the decline. I am actually a good stone and a half lighter than when that photo was taken, but there we go. The woman provided some entertainment during the second half of the show, wanting to join in a few times, but at her cost when she tried to criticise Matthew and Luke for artificially extending one of their conversations. The Evangelists, Luke especially, who I have noticed has become a lot more nasty and arrogant over the tour, rounded on her and said that by heckling at this point she had just demonstrated that she didn't have a very good sense of humour and that everyone should pity them. I apologised for the Gospel writers afterwards. Just as I have no control over the libellous accusations that Jesus sometimes makes about a fellow comedian (well entertainer) I have no control over Luke and Matthew. Though Matthew is a much nicer guy than the arrogant Luke. So let's not blame him too much.
I hadn't had very high hopes for this gig - we had been shunted away into a small conference room and only about 120 people were in the audience, but they had been appreciative from the start and with this lady's help the second half zinged along. It seemed that almost everyone wanted an autograph afterwards. Sometimes the little gigs mean much more to the audience and the performer than the big ones. There seemed to be an unspoken air of thanks that I had come to Doncaster at all. I hadn't been massively in the mood before the show, but it turned out to be one of my favourites of the tour so far. And with enough rest and no hangover and a good diet my mind is still sharp and active and the performance is crisp and professional. Hopefully the show will continue to improve. It's always a fear that I might get bored or complacent or break the flow by ad-libbing too much and too self-indulgently. But so far so good.
We were staying in the Park Inn, an unglamorous but very cheap chain hotel on the outskirts of town. When we arrived we noticed that near to the door of the hotel as well as the usual disabled parking spaces the hotel had spaces designated especially for women drivers. I have never seen this before and didn't really understand why they were there. I wondered if it was a safety thing, to save women having to walk through a dark car park late at night, but Reliable (and it seems Mildly Sexist) Pete suggested that the parking spaces might be wider ones. I was appalled by the implication (especially as I am a man and am useless at parking or reversing my car) but laughed anyway. On the way out tonight I looked at them and they did look like they might be a bit wider. So maybe it's Park Ian the proprietor of the Park Inn who is the sexist one. Anyone know the truth?
