Oh Fuck. Two months. Two months to go until my new mature life. Regular readers will know that I am pretending that I am 21 until I am 40, after which point I will be getting out the pipe and slippers, staying in and waiting for the blessed release of death.
Although I don't seem to be using my last few minutes of 21 year old time very productively, mainly because I am working every night and also because I am feeling really tired. I am sure that is not normal for a 21 year old. Maybe I should see a doctor.
After slightly shocking the decent people of Windsor I returned home to wind down before bed by watching some telly and playing internet poker. Because I am rock n roll and this is how I spend my Saturday nights.
As I flicked through the feature that lets you check what is on on each channel I saw that Sky 3 were showing a programme called "Top 10 Coasters". How I hoped that the Top 10 phenomenon had got so desperate as to make a show ranking the best drink coasters in the world. Cardboard ones, metal ones, glass ones, ones with the logos of beer manufacturers on them. Which was best?
Sky 3 can be a bit rubbish, so it wasn't beyond the realms of possibility. And perhaps it would turn out to be a satire of the whole top ten list formula. Maybe Sky were putting on a deliberately dull run down in order to demonstrate the essential worthlessness of this type of programme.
I had to have a look and see, but alas it turned out that it was a list of the best ten rollercoasters. Which wasn't interesting to me at all. I would have preferred it to be the top 10 coasters, just to see how they would have stretched that out to an hour and how they would have worked out which ones were best. A public vote or a panel of coaster experts?
They shouldn't have raised my hopes in that way. A coaster and a rollercoaster are very different things and I think I should sue Sky under the Trades Description Act.
My life is filled with nothing but disappointment. But then that is good, as I am comedian and disappointment and failure are my meat and drink. The more I am disappointed and fail, the funnier I will be, the more people will laugh and the more successful I will be. It's a peculiar dichotemy, but I think as long as my personal life is a failure than that is sufficient to keep me amusing.
And I guess that as long as I spend my Saturday night in watching telly alone, being disappointed that a Sky 3 programme isn't about drink coasters then I am well on my way to being one of the best comedians in the world.
