I was working on the book in the British Library this afternoon. I sat down at a desk and noticed that the pretty young woman opposite was staring at me quite intently.
"Yeah, Rich," I thought to myself, "You've still got it." And though I've got a girlfriend and so couldn't return her interest I gave her a little smile to know that her kind thought was appreciated.
Then I remembered that I currently have a Hitler moustache and that in all probability that was what had attracted her attention, rather than my devastating good looks. And then I'd smiled at her as if to say, "Yes that's right. I've got a Hitler moustache. And I am proud of that."
She looked away a bit perturbed and then a few minutes later gathered up her stuff and left. This may have just been a coincidence.
But this is probably where the moustache fun begins, as I stop being self-conscious and even forget that it's there and then am confused myself by the odd reactions that it elicits.
It was good to have my unrealistic masculine pride crushed so completely so quickly. It was, fittingly perhaps an example of hubris.
It seems that all I am doing with this experiment is sabotaging my own life by desecrating my own face and I am wondering about the wisdom of my behaviour.
I have an audition for a sitcom on Thursday afternoon. I don't know anything about the part yet, but I am guessing that the character does not have a Hitler moustache. Perhaps he does, in which case I must be a shoo-in for the part (although another actor could easily wear a false one). But assuming the part does not call for the Toothbrush then I think turning up at the audition with one will cause confusion and ruin my chances of getting the part. I can tell them that the moustache is for a show and even that I am prepared to shave it off if I get the part, but I think it will create an inappropriate focus and be impossible for the people casting to ignore. Ironically if it was an audition for Hitler and someone turned up without a moustache then that wouldn't be a problem, but as it probably isn't I think having the moustache will ruin my chances of the part.
The filming would be over the next few weeks, so if I got it I'd probably have to shave anyway, but it seems a shame to take off the moustache unless I definitely have the part (and I might not be able to make the time for it anyway, given my other commitments), and yet if I leave the moustache on then I definitely won't get the part.
Which is fine, but what if the sitcom turns out to be the new Fawlty Towers and I miss the chance to be in it solely because of this stupid, self-destructive facial experiment? Especially given that I am not getting much from having the moustache anyway. Other than a crushed ego.
It's a bit of a toughie and having the moustache is not entirely necessary for the show anyway. I am also conscious that if I end up having to keep the moustache for the show then I am more or less committed to having it for a whole year, so it's there for all future tour shows. I am not sure I can live with that kind of stress and inconvenience. I don't know how Hitler managed to keep his for all that time.
Maybe a week is long enough for my purposes. I can always grow it again after the DVD record in June. It stays for the moment and I will think about it.
