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Thursday 13th March 2014

Thursday 13th March 2014


A reliable broadband signal is pretty important to me, with all the internet based work I do, plus the amount of animal porn I get through, and I've been struggling for the last few years with BT, though somehow remained loyal. Given I live in London one would expect that I would already have had access to fibre optic cables, but I was still on shitty old-style Victorian internet cables and every now and again my signal would drop out completely, meaning things like wireless printers would disconnect from the system and I'd have to turn everything on and off again like I was a sitcom character created by Graham Linehan.

I was going to leave BT a couple of years ago, but then we moved temporarily to Harpenden and the only efficient and cost effective way to have a phone-line and internet was to transfer my BT line and sign up for another 12 months. And obviously I was hanging in with BT in the hope that my fortune cookie would be proven right.

I have been thinking of moving elsewhere for a while, but only Virgin offered superfast connection and I had heard horror stories about them, so I stuck like a rabbit caught in the headlights refusing to move. Then last month someone from BT rang up and said they now had BT Infinity in my area and it would be cheaper than what I was currently paying for my rubbish malfunctioning web supply and I took the easy option and signed up for another 18 months.

Today a man arrived to make the change. I was very much looking forward to having an infinite amount of internet at my disposal. I assumed this would mean that I would get my animal porn delivered to my computer before I had even searched for it. Time itself would bend and corkscrew like a pig's penis and discharge a huge payload all over my computer.

So I was disappointed to discover that BT infinity is actually finite and just a bit quicker than it was before. At least it seems to be working so far and it's cool to be part of the future and have my Sonos speakers working and not cutting out every five minutes. But it's too early to call. And don't worry, if the servive is terrible I will spend the next 18 months slagging off BT in the blog and biding my time until I can leave to be let down by someone else.

But for now I will say, well done BT. Your engineer was very friendly and pleasant and didn't seem to fuck anything up and I am writing this blog on a line that seems steady and unbroken.

So it's that time of year again and though I know next to nothing of what's going to be in my stand up show and have only an outline for the play, here are my 2014 entries for the Fringe programme. This year I don't even have a definite venue sorted out yet (we're in complex negotiations with a couple of places). But at least we know this much! And look, we have a central image for the Rasputin poster (no, that's not me).

Richard Herring – Lord of the Dance Settee. After covering weighty issues like death, love, religion and spam javelins, “The King of Edinburgh” (List) returns with a show about daftness, being uncool and bouncing joyously on the sofa. “Dependably funny” Chortle.


I Killed Rasputin – a new play by Richard Herring. 1967 -  Journalist visits former Russian Prince Felix Yusupov to find out truth about the patently improbable story of the murder of the Mad Monk, who even now refuses to die.  

This year I am releasing 365 Warming Ups (podcasts + blogs), 6 Meaning of Lifes, probably 31 RHLSTPs + Me1VsMe2 snooker for free.
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