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Sunday 13th September 2020

6499/19419

It’s wonderful how you can weave lies to make kids do what you want them to. They’re such feckless idiots that they believe any old shit. Imagine if you could do the same with adults. You could rule the world.
Ernie was reluctant to have his teeth cleaned tonight and it’s hard to do this job with a squirming child who won’t open their mouth. But I knew that Ernie is very taken with the tooth fairy since Phoebe started losing her teeth and so keen to get a visit that  he keeps on saying his teeth are wobbly, even though he’s over two years from that actually happening. I told him that it was important to keep his teeth clean because otherwise the tooth fairy wouldn’t buy them when they fell out. Even though he has no understanding of or use for money, his love for the tooth fairy (who is, by the way, totally made up) is so intense that he hardly had to consider and his mouth opened, he stayed still and I was able to give his teeth the brushing of his life. I had totally tricked the dolt. 
That night I kneeled at my bed and prayed to God thanking Him for giving me the strength to think of this idea and deciding not to question Him as to why he invented children with this resistance to stuff that was good for them in the first place. Because you don’t question God, or He won’t do the stuff you want Him to do. And he might not do that stuff even if you don’t question Him. Because He likes to keep you on your toes. If you’re questioning why, then sorry, you’ve just blown it. If you’re wondering why your life isn’t going so great. It was the questioning.
Is it OK to lie to someone you love in order to do something that is good for them. Yes it is. Which is why I won’t be telling my wife about the sex robot I have in the attic. Which is good for her for too many reasons to list. So keep it quiet.




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