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My resolution to outlive everyone who has ever been a guest on RHLSTP got one step further today as we lost another absolute diamond, the lovely Tony Slattery. When he did RHLSTP in Edinburgh in 2019 I was a bit nervous that it might go a bit pear-shaped, but it was one of the more magical ones I've done and Tony was honest and open and it felt like he was getting his life back together. Horrible show business had given him everything he could dream of when he was a hot property and then dumped him as soon as things took a turn. And yet he stayed so resolutely upbeat and encouraging and kind.
It's just terribly sad that he's been taken before this third act could play out.
I'd spent the morning mourning another unique talent, Neil Innes, as I recorded the chat with Yvonne. If Neil and Tony can die does that mean that one day I will be dead too? Surely not. Can't see it happening.
I finally had my stained teeth cleaned by a relentless hygienist. It's only about three months since I'd seen a colleague of hers so I don't know why my teeth were so mottled - she seemed to think it looked like years of accrued build up, but I'd been to this practice to have them scraped several times in the last couple of years. It's almost like hygienists are a scam and that the last one had deliberately made my teeth as dirty as possible so that they could charge me double next time. They did get dirty almost immediately. Is it possible that every time they just take off a layer of enamel so your teeth get weakened or put on some kind of invisible stain magnet. I noticed in last year's RHLSTP pics how awful my teeth were looking. I initially thought it was some trick of the light or fault with the camera, but no, I had teeth like I was in a sketch about medieval peasants and had managed to contrive to get them looking that way within days of my last intense clean. Coincidence?
Indeed she told me it would take two sessions to clean them properly and that I'd have to come back, but then suddenly decided she could extend the appointment to an hour (in truth it lasted about 40 minutes, but she still got double bubble) and I paid extra to have my teeth basically sand-blasted, but it did get them back to some semblance of the original horrible yellowy colour and I decided I would never eat anything again so that they would stay all sparkly and nice. It's an incredible difference. Just as it would be if a decorator threw excrement all over your walls and then took it off again and charged you for both procedures.
When I've done those lottery podcasts I have said that if I had millions I would build a dental suite on my house and employ a full time hygienist to clean my teeth every day, mainly because I absolutely hate the scratchy, shrieky drill thing they use to chip the crap off which also jangles my nerves (the air blaster doesn't hurt hardly at all and I thought when I paid for that that I wouldn't have to have my teeth scraped too, but she just did both. Obviously I would only use the hygienist for four minutes a day and she'd probably only need to brush my teeth (or he, though all the hygienists I've ever had have been women). Then I'd just let people come and have their teeth cleaned for free for the rest of the day. Imagine how much people would love the eccentric millionaire who gave away free teeth cleans. And also wonder why he didn't do something more constructive with his money. Before deciding not to say anything as it was saving them about £200 a year to use the service.
Probably more people would want to use it than one hygienist could cope with, so I'd have to build another room and hire another hygienist. It could go on forever. And I guess I should have one of the hygienists on call at all times in case I got something caught in my teeth and needed it taken out.
Some people would hire a personal doctor, but not me. Anything to avoid tooth troubles down the line. Though I suspect hygienists only take this job because they love torturing people and jangling their nerves and making them spit out blood, so I might not be able to get someone to just brush my teeth whatever fee I was offering.
Anyway, that's for when I've won the Euromillions. Until then I will fastidiously brush and floss my teeth for the first week after every dental appointment and then go back to brushing them for 30 seconds three times a week, as usual.
