I recorded an episode of "Never Mind The Buzzcocks" this evening. Frankie Boyle was hosting and apparently he'd specifically asked for me to be on, which presumably means he doesn't hate all comedians over 40. Or maybe he just wanted to show me up. I don't know if he knew I had called him a "cunt" on a recent AIOTM, but if he did I am sure he of all people would have understood it was a joke.
I didn't feel I did as well on the show as last time. The guests were Carol Vorderman, DJ Ironik and The Reverend from Reverend and the Makers. Early on I attempted the old Lee and Herring joke, "Did you know "Vorder" is Dutch for "woman who is nearly as clever as a"", but no one seemed to understand it (it takes a minimal bit of work on the part of the audience to attach the word "man" to the end of that) or maybe they understood it and didn't like it.
Frankie was incredibly funny and offensive and rude, with an admirable "I don't give a fuck" attitude. I don't know how much of what he said will make it to air - it pretty much all felt like stuff that in the current climate could not be allowed - but I spent most of the time laughing at him. So I was being paid for laughing at things that probably won't even be broadcast. But if you can manage to get two jokes on to an episode of Buzzcocks you are doing really well - and there were one or two things that I said that got a laugh. Who knows if they will make it.
I had quite a humiliating "Intros" round where I was unable to offer even a guess to most of the songs they performed for me, but I think they were especially hard ones. The other team did not get them either. But I did quite an amusing rant after the last one where I said I was 42 years old and so of course I didn't know anything about modern music and that I should have a proper job by now. I doubt it will get into the show. I think it will be on in a couple of weeks.
My favourite moment of the whole evening was when Frankie made a joke about a rim job and Carol Vorderman looked confused and was clearly asking Noel Fielding what the term "rim job" meant. I had never supposed that I might see Noel Fielding having to explain rimming to Carol Vorderman. It was quite a surreal sight.
I did a lot better on the final round where you have to give the next line of the song, so rescued some sense of pride, though I wish I had gone with my instincts and tried to create a DJ Ironik version of "Let's Get Ready to Rumble", when he mentioned that song. It would just have been me singing the original with him shouting "Get Ready. Get Ready" over the top and ruining it.
Ah so many missed opportunities. But the record went on for two hours and you're only going to see 30 minutes of it and most of the fun will be taken out. Which is why all programmes should adopt the AIOTM model and put out the whole show, the too rude bits and the crap bits included. That way at least someone somewhere would have got my Vorderman joke.
