There had been a plan for me to go in and do half today's Collins and Herring show on 6Music and then get a cab home and set off for Whitby, but I am glad that I realised that this would only lead to huge and unnecessary stress, because even setting off from home at 10.15 I wasn't at my hotel until nearly 5. And the radio was telling me that a big accident on the road behind me had trapped loads of traffic.
A big part of me wishes the tour was over now, especially as due to poor planning I was in York on Wednesday, in Whitby tonight, Darlington tomorrow, then Stockton on Thursday. I have a lot of traveling up and down the country to do. By the time I am home on Monday my car will have done over 99,000 miles (though only about 8000 of those on this tour) and the Stockton trip will add another 500 to that total. I am very close to the twin delights of 99,999 miles and 100,000 miles, which will both be the cause of some celebration to this obsessive compulsive.
And talking of that, on the journey up I got to 100 in CNPS spotting both the 99 and 100 required to get me there. I have been playing this game casually
for almost two years, after, of course, acting like a maniac and completing it
just before premiering the 12 Tasks of Hercules Terrace. I am not quite as insane nowadays and know that there is little to no chance of completing it again (at a rate of one number plate a week and an increasing number of evil and illegal new number plates on the road, it would take me 18 more years, even if I could keep up the same pace and obviously it's only going to get harder and harder.
Do not start this game. This way madness lies.
And if you complete it, certainly don't start again.
But anyway, I didn't feel over brimming with enthusiasm about doing this show again. I am really looking forward to Thursday when I can shave the moustache off (I will have time to regrow it again for the final show in Liverpool). But once I was on stage I actually really enjoyed myself and I will miss this show when it's gone. It does feel like it's time to move on now though.
I got a fresh new complaint to add to the list afterwards, in this show which has had a handful of complaints, pretty much all for a different reason. Tonight a woman objected to my joke about paedophiles in the papers looking like paedophiles, as she claimed that in reality most sexual abusers do not look like they are paedophiles and there's no way of telling people are paedophiles just by looking at them. My heart wasn't in having to try and defend myself on this one. I could only say that this was a joke (and one aimed at my previous assertion that if I was a paedophile I wouldn't grow a moustache that makes me look like one). I think it would take a very specific mindset to think that I was trying to say that all paedophiles look like paedophiles (on the current sample about one in 30,000 people might think this).
As always it seemed odd that someone could get so wrapped up in one line from the show that they are still upset about it an hour and a half later, but feel it's OK to let all the other stuff go that is offensive if you take it literally. But she was sincere enough and wanted to make her point and I didn't have a good answer for her off the top of my head. "It was a joke" didn't really seem good enough, although in this instance (and in context) I think that's exactly what it is. It's ludicrous that I am giving paedophiles instructions on how to get away with their crimes.
I am not sure it is worth the bother or analysis on this occasion.
She also didn't like that I said "cunt", but I have had that criticism from one journalist. I like the word "cunt" though, even if I possibly use it one or two too many times in this show.
Given the show is all about what we can and can't say and where my own hypocrisy is openly examined I find it surprising that people think they are pointing out something I hadn't already thought of (though she had at least managed to create a new area of controversy that I admit I hadn't anticipated).
It's political correctness gone mad.
And that too, in case you haven't seen the show, is a joke.
I am glad the show prompts so many discussions.
So only three more shows to go. Let's see which new bits people will take offence at in those. Still no one for the assertion that the theft of an iPhone would almost justify the Holocaust. You'd think if you were taking statements literally then that one would be up there as a terrible thing to say. So maybe I just need to make my statements a bit more extreme.
And whilst I was worrying about a BA strike ruining my proposed four day break in Rome the week after next, now God throws up a surprise and volcanic ash might ruin everything instead. Is the earth fighting back and trying to do its bit to stop global warming? Probably not.
It adds some jeopardy and excitement to life though. Though I wouldn't like to be Icelandic at the moment. They've sat up there all quiet and well behaved and now they seem intent on fucking everything up for everyone.
I still hate volcanoes more though.
And I apologise if I have offended any Vulcans with that statement.
