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Tuesday 18th April 2017

More meetings with various working men at the new house today. We need to sort out the damp and the electrics, two things you probably don’t want being simultaneously dodgy. It’s an old house and I am sure there will be many more expenses to come, but I like the idea of being a custodian of a place which dates back to 1702 and don’t mind spending the bank’s money on keeping it standing. Ask me again in a year if I still feel the same. 
The man looking for damp came down from the attic room to tell me that there was a dead blackbird up there. Given all the windows were closed and there are no gaping holes in the roof (as far as I can tell), this was a bit of an odd and unsettling discovery. I am squeamish at the best of times and so having to move this pretty big, very alive looking bird was not a pleasant experience. He looked like he was just lying down looking at the wall in the corner and I had to nudge him to be sure that he wasn’t just having a weird rest or trying to freak me out like he was in an avian Blair Witch Project.
I didn’t have much to hand as the house is empty but I managed to use an envelope to push the bird on to an old bit of lino. But I squealed every time it moved, the head lolling around, certain that it would fly up and peck me in the face. 
How the Hell did he get in?
I wondered if possibly the cat we’ve inherited with the house had somehow tackled this menacing creature outside and brought it into the house and up two flights of stairs. The cat is 14 and not the most agile looking thing and it stood outside the door meowing at me, seemingly unwilling to use the catflap, which didn’t look big enough for a dinosaur ancestor of this size. And would the cat have got the bird this far without scattering feathers round the house and leaving the word looking like it could spring back to life at any time?
I can only presume that the house is haunted and cursed and built on a Red Indian graveyard (not a Native American one, that would be crazy- a grave yard of Indians who were  very embarrassed at the point of death).
Aside from the house being haunted and cursed and needing loads of work done to it before we can move in, it’s all looking pretty good. 

The tour continues this week:
Weds- Barnsely
Thursday - Harrogate
Friday - Hertford
Saturday - Bournemouth
Sunday - Brighton

And on 26th April I will be playing the Reading Hexagon and the snooker board has arrived so there will be Me1 Vs Me2 snooker in the interval.

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My new stand up show, Oh Frig I'm 50 is at on tour from February til June 2018. There's also a new series of RHLSTP with recordings every Monday from February 5th to April 2nd All details of shows here.
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