I felt a bit better today, but it took a dangerous cocktail of Lemsip Max and three Vocalzone tablets to get me through my Talking Cock gig. It didn't go quite as well as last night, but on the plus side the room was sold out (with nearly 200 tickets being sold on the day, which is hopefully a good sign that there's been an influx of people coming into the city). The podcast had also sold out, which gives some hope that the Fringe will not be a financial disaster. But let's see how the last week holds up.
I was doing an extra gig, The Very Best of the Fest at the Assembly Rooms. I nearly always do badly at these late night mixed bill shows and have had some of my worst ever gigs in this room and I was pretty tired as I walked down there at midnight. The streets were filled with people enjoying their Saturday night out, some rather drunk. A few of them recognised me and shouted my name at me (though one did say, "it's whatchermacallhim. I just waved and moved on. It's a worry at the back of my mind that one day I might chance across a drunk person who doesn't care for me or who just fancies taking a swing at me, but I tried to keep moving and was friendly to anyone who recognised me.
As I approached the Assembly Rooms another man shouted, "Richard Herring" in a friendly way, but in his excitement he decided to run towards me and jump on to my back. I had no idea who he was or what his intentions were and he was clinging on and trying to swing me around. I knew he meant me no harm, but it was actually quite a full on assault. As I am 45 I have had some lower back problems, which thankfully have abated at the moment, but having to unexpectedly bear the weight of a grown man (in body if not in mind) leaping on to me made me fear I might get injured. It was a pretty unpleasant shock to endure, but I managed to get him off me. He was trying to tell me what a fan he was, but I was angry about this invasion and came very close to punching him. But instead I just pushed him away and called him a prick.
My guess is that had he been sober he'd probably have thought twice about jumping on to the back of a stranger, but although I appreciated it was meant to be some kind of compliment it did shake me up. My neck felt a little bit stiff afterwards, but fortunately there was no long term damage, but what a stupid thing to do to someone you don't know. One of us could have got hurt. Although if he'd read my book he'd know that there was little chance of it being him.
I wasn't in the best of moods anyway, but this did not help me get in the right frame of mind for a difficult late night gig. And as usual I fucked it up a bit. I was heckled a couple of times and responded much too aggressively and indignantly and lost the crowd (who had only just about been on board) by calling children "sexual excrement". When I revealed I had recently got married a man shouted "How did YOU find someone to marry you?" On another day I might have revealed that I had bought my wife on the internet or that I had a massive cock or just that plenty of arseholes manage to get married, but this time I tried to throw the challenge back to the guy, asking him if he was married, explaining that it was because I was so good looking, trying to undermine myself by saying it was because of all the money I earned (but only in the process looking like a prick trying to show off). My time was up and I had to leave the stage and not for the first time I left that room feeling a bit humiliated and unhappy.
It was mainly my own fault and I hadn't been feeling well, but the pre-show assault had done nothing to help me. Bloody drunken buffoon!
