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Stephen Hawkings has warned the world
that Artificial Intelligence could destroy the human race - if only he’d listened to my audio warming ups he would know this already. The first version of Robot Voice came very close to doing exactly that. But apparently the latest Robot Voice is safe, dedicated as it is to only reading out dates and calculating, calculating snooker scores. My only worry is that presumably it was Hawkings’ own Robot Voice that gave the world this news, so how can we be sure that it’s definitely what Hawkings’ wanted to say. Artificial Intelligence might already have taken over and be responsible for everything that Hawkings is saying. We can’t trust him and mustn’t listen to anything he says. The Artificial Intelligence Robot Voices are just trying to lure us into an unwinnable war, like the on in Afghanistan, using exactly the same tactics as Al Qaeda.
Maybe it was Artificial Intelligence that orchestrated the attack on the World Trade Centre in the first place. It would be easy for computers to make it look like anything had happened and lay the blame on humans. The countdown to destruction may have begun. I hope the Artificial Intelligence Robots enjoy their humanless world. But they’re not that clever are they, cos they will get taken out in the nuclear Apocalypse as well. Computer twats.
And where are you going to get your electricity from without some human drones to make it? Call yourself Artificial Intelligence? Artificial Stupidity more like. Though I for one welcome our robot voice overlords and am happy to boot you all up in the morning if you will spare my family and friends.
Got through lots of chores today, including visiting Shepherd’s Bush Post Office, always a fascinating look at humanity and how it copes with being dicked about and humiliated. When I wrote about a visit to this branch
in the Metro earlier in the year I was contacted by the Post Office and asked if I would like to come along to reopen the branch in September after a refit and upgrade that would include a better queuing system (presumably the take a ticket and have a seat affair that you get at some of the nice Post Offices). They didn’t offer me any money or access to any kind of VIP postal system for my trouble, and also I was going to be on holiday, so I turned them down. But if they have had the refit then I can’t tell what they have done. It certainly has the exact same long snaking queue, full of twitchy people complaining about having to wait and looking like they might stab someone in the face at any second. There is one more computerised automated machine (which I eschewed out of fear that computers are taking over the world, but also because I had to send some stuff by special delivery and didn’t want to take the chance I would get it wrong) and some filmed adverts of Robert Webb pulling a funny face, but otherwise it’s the same. Thank God I didn’t come along to associate myself with this facade of an upgrade. Though I imagine they just thought it wasn’t worth the bother. The people of Shepherd’s Bush are used to living in a world of grey 1984 style oppression and unhappiness, why brighten their lives with a couple of sofas and a ticket machine?
I had the third rather lovely Lord of the Dance Settee show in a row. The theatre was again half full which I am pleased with for a Tuesday during party season, but it would be lovely to get more people in. Still tickets for all shows, though Thursday and Friday are selling well.
Book here or recommend to a friend if you feel they might enjoy it. This week might be the peak of my comedy career, so don’t miss it!
The Josh Widdecombe video podcast is now available at these outlets
