Another non-stop and crazy day, with the 6Music show in the morning and then a drive to Wolverhampton and back with a gig in the middle. I was very glad that I had been sensible enough to turn down an appearance on Chris Addison's 5Live show tomorrow morning.
I think Andrew and me are really hitting our stride with the Saturday shows now, with me pushing things as far as I can and him stepping in to stop me, or to feign ignorance of my double meanings. We're going to be recording a couple of Collings and Herrin podcasts on Tuesday and I am looking forward to being filthy again, but it's good to know we can make this work in a "clean" context too. Though I did really want to shout out "Cunts" in this week's show, but fortunately managed to stop myself.
I thought the drive to Wolves was going to turn into another nightmare when after being observant enough to notice a police car coming and pulling into the middle lane to accommodate it, the driver was rude enough to then start snaking around all three lanes in front of me, stopping the traffic. Had I been less of a citizen I would have been on my way but now was stopped in my tracks. Luckily the car was there merely to pull a broken down vehicle from the central reservation and off the road, so the delay was only ten minutes and then I had the fun of a really open road in front of me for about half a mile.
I was pretty much exhausted on the drive up and was not looking forward to coming home, fully considering the possibility of booking a hotel room rather than risk this slightly foolhardy two and a half hour drive.
I got to the venue in plenty of time and the efficient and friendly staff not only were on hand to help me carry my stuff from the car, but had laid on a feast for me and got me a takeaway Thai curry. I stuffed my face.
Wolverhampton has become something of a symbolic gig for me. There are several different sized venues in the large Civic Centre. Back in 2003
I had played the large Wulfrun Hall to just 70 people (funnily enough, in hindsight, comparing it to a Nazi rally). Back then I vowed that one day I would return to this venue and it would be full (though as it has a capacity of 600 that would have seemed like a crazy dream back then).
I had subsequently returned a few times. Two years ago I was put on in the Little Civic, which is actually a room above a pub a couple of doors down from the building. This had been full, but only had a capacity of around about 100. Last year things were picking up and I was moved to the bar in the Civic Hall, with maybe 150 or so people coming to see me. I had been in the dressing room of the main venue (the next one up from the Wulfrun with a capacity of a couple of thousand I think).
I had dreamed of the day I might get to play the big hall, extending my ambition further than that of 2003.
This year I took another step closer to fulfilling I was back in the Wulfrun Hall and this time it did look pretty full. But the seating had been set out in such a way that the capacity was 300 (I had sold around about 250 I think). So it's all upward progress and the dreams of getting in the whirlpool bath before performing to several thousand Wolverhamptonites is getting closer, though is still some way away. It was psychologically pleasing to be back in the medium sized venue and for there to be enough people in to make it fun.
For the third night in a row, in a relatively heckle-free tour, I had to contend with a rowdy element in the audience. This time they were over-exuberant fans rather than fascists or drunks, and I put them down with relative ease to general amusement, but I was so tired that my eye was hurting and I could maybe have done with an easy ride tonight. A couple of times it threw off the timing of some of the more subtle bits of comedy, but my resigned grouchiness at pointing this out was probably just as funny.
But I had some fun with the backchat as well as pointing out that the rather high and oversized table that I'd been given for my props and water made me look like I was in Alice in Wonderland.
The show was also beset with some technical problems. My microphone kept cutting out every couple of minutes and towards the end of the first half I decided I would change it for the off-stage mic. At most venues there is a back up mic for such eventualities but you scarcely ever have to use it. The back up microphone's cable was wound tightly round its stand which made it difficult to extricate and when I finally got it on stage it only had about five feet of cable and forced me to stand in the left hand corner. This was all quite funny, though slightly frustrating too. Which just made it funnier. The audience could sense how exasperated everything was making me, but luckily the mood was light-hearted and fun and I didn't let it get me down too much.
In the second half the mic problems persisted and I had to switch once again and then halfway through some music from somewhere else in the building started playing loudly in the auditorium. I wondered aloud if I was actually dreaming because this felt very much like the performance anxiety dreams that I have very often. I had to look down to check I wasn't naked.
In spite of all of this the show was a good one and it was encouraging that my audience had almost doubled since last time. Wolverhampton will remain the gauge on all future tours. Will it be onwards and upwards or will I be back in the Little Theatre in ten years time? Only time will tell. As long as there are 100 Wolverhampton idiots who want to see me I will be happy. But imagine if I got to go in the whirlpool some day!
The drive home was difficult as I felt wiped out, but there wasn't much traffic around and time passed slowly as I weaved my way through the darkness towards my home. I ate junk food to keep myself awake and realised that at may age I can't really put myself through something like this again. It's been a hell of a month. And there's still one more gig to do before I get a valuable two days off (from touring anyway - am using most of one of my days off to swear at Andrew Collings in my attic).
There's just this month's Lyric, Hammersmith comedy night to go, which annoyingly did not feature in Time Out and which is not selling very well.
It's another amazing night of comedy with Milton Jones, Holly Walsh, Lee Nelson, Chris Cox and me. 2 TICKETS FOR JUST £10! Call 0871 22 117 29 and quote 'offer'.
Details here.
Please support this night. Ticket sales have been very slow for the last few and especially for tonight. So if you want them to continue into the autumn then do come along. Apologies to those of you who were loyal enough to buy your tickets in advance. Will try to ensure this is the last time it happens this way round.
