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I woke up in Glasgow, which was lucky because that’s where I went to sleep, but I had a trek ahead of me as my gig tonight was in Colchester. Luckily I had booked some trains. I don’t think I could have made it all just by trekking. Though I did the half mile from the hotel to the station.
On the way up I had bought a sandwich at the station and the man who served me had stood smiling at me in a way that I thought might mean he had recognised me. “Are you having a good day?†he asked with a smirk. “It’s OK,†I said.
“So you’re having a good day?â€
“Yes, yes it’s all right.â€
He smiled again.
“What you up to?â€
“I’m heading up to Glasgow,†I’d told him. Did he know I was a comedian? I wasn’t sure. He was smiling at me like someone who would give me religious literature. But he was giving me a sandwich.
“Are you a football fan?†he asked out of nowhere, “Rangers? Celtic?â€
“Um….†Seemed a bit odd. There are other reasons to travel to Glasgow. Was there even a game on on a Tuesday? Maybe.
“I’m a footballer,†he told me, explaining his slightly bizarre segue. “I’m a goalkeeper - look out for me. I will be playing in the premier league soon.†He smiled his slightly crazy smile. And it became apparent that he just wanted to chat. He was being friendly. But in a sort of passive-aggressive way. And wanting to talk about himself.
Don’t really have a problem with that. It’s nice to be friendly and good for him for trying to give some variety to his day. But he didn’t look very tall and he was selling sandwiches. I wondered if his ambitions were a match up for reality.
Today on the way down, I stopped for a sandwich at the same place. I didn’t get served by the footballer, but he was confusing someone else by asking them how they were and if they were having a good day, whilst maintaining smiling eye contact. I wondered if he’d try to steer the conversation round to football, but the customer wasn’t really biting.
Maybe it’s the British who are weird for not wanting to converse with people they interact with. Maybe working in a sandwich shop has sent this guy over the edge.
On to Colchester where I was meant to be picked up by Welsh Ray at the station. But he wasn’t there, but he told me he was on the platform. I didn’t understand how he’d got there without a ticket. Slowly it became apparent he was at another train station in Colchester. Apparently they need two.
I got a cab to the theatre and tried to sleep, before popping out for another sandwich. The woman serving me did not freak me out or try to make friends.
I was at the Mercury Theatre, which I don’t think I have ever noticed before, even though it’s right next to the Arts Centre that I usually play. I missed the soldier in the dressing room and even though the Mercury is a bit bigger than the Arts, I didn’t sell quite as many tickets as usual. But nearly. The decision to move me to a larger venue had proved hubristic, but this was a nice theatre and probably more suited to my one-man shows. I wonder why I’d never been here before.
We headed home and might have been back by 11.15, after a 7.30 show time (which I would much prefer to have at all theatres- I must remember to ask for that if I ever tour again). But there were road works right near my house and we had to find a way round via looping back roads.
Good to be home, if briefly.
RHLSTP with Mackenzie Crook is now up on video
I wasn't on top form for this one, but it seems to have gone down OK on the whole.
