As we drove into Wolverhampton snow was flurrying from the sky and settling on the ground. With five hours to go before we'd be driving up to our hotel in Salford there seemed a genuine danger that we might get snowed in, but at least for this first day we were lucky. The snow did not get any deeper and the roads were clear. The first two gigs of this five gig excursion into the frozen north will not be affected. But once I am beyond the wall it might get tricky, what with the Others ready to attack at any moment and no guarantee that the Night's Watch will be able to protect me in these treacherous conditions. Giles (the Cannibal) is confident that we will not miss a gig whatever the elements will throw at us, but this might all be a ruse to bring him one step closer to consuming my man meat (by which I mean my actual meat, not my penis obviously). Other acts think I've taken a chance by employing a man so intent on consuming human flesh, but I don't think we should judge other cultures and so far he has done an excellent job of carrying boxes of programmes around and driving through the night. This stereotype of cannibals as feral-eyed, blood-mouthed zombies with bones through their nose is offensive to all right thinking people.
Although I had come from London and was going onwards to Manchester afterwards, about 20 of the local Wolverhampton audience weren't so brave and failed to turn up despite having bought a ticket. Thanks for the money though. It was another smallish crowd, but this is Wolverhampton and there is a local by-law which makes it illegal for anyone to recommend me to their friends. My dream of one day playing the main Civic hall at Wolverhampton, one of my slightly random career ambitions, seems ever further away. But tonight's hardy few, undeterred by the snow, were a better audience than 1000 idiots who would only go to see someone from off of the telly anyway (I just want to be on the telly).
And finally almost free of illness and feeling relaxed I did one of the best performances of the material for a while. Any frustrations about the size of the last two audiences have been more than made up for by the enthusiasm of those who have braved the elements to see me. And I do have the bonus of a big sold out gig in Salford tomorrow (and what will be the biggest crowd of the tour so far), as long as the snow doesn't stop them getting to the venue (I will definitely be there as I can walk to the theatre from my hotel). Weirdly last year's gig in Salford was also beset by snow (
and all kinds of annoyances). The Old Trafford gods do not want me performing on their hallowed turf. But they won't stop me.
After the relatively easy drive north (for me especially as I was just sitting in the back of the car) we went to the hotel bar for a drink. I almost literally bumped into Nick Hancock who I don't think I've seen since he appeared on Radio 4's "The End of the Roadshow", the first radio programme written entirely by Stew and me back in 1990 or 1991. Me, Hancock and the Cannibal had a drink and a chat about the good old days of the late 80s and early 90s stand up circuit (not for me - I hated doing stand up then and spent most of the time crying). Now that the BBC is based in Salford this hotel will be thronging with broadcasters. I saw the BBC Breakfast travel correspondent checking in at about midnight. He had come on his bike. His years of travel experience had no doubt informed him that this was the best way to get here. I have seen all the best celebs this week. I also saw Julian Rhind-Tutt on Oxford Street on Wednesday. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to show off.
The adventure continues, but remarkably after this run of gigs there are hardly any more nights for us in a hotel. We'll either be driving home or staying with my folks in Cheddar. Or fighting each other to the death in a snow drift.
Tickets for the next series of my Leicester Square Theatre Podcasts are now available -
Buy them here. I have no confirmed guests as yet, but some very exciting possibilities, so if you want a front row seat then do book now. I am also doing a Leicester Square Podcast (but at the Machynlleth Festival) RHLSTP (BATMF) on May 4th (as well as a performance of Talking Cock later the same day)
podcast tickets here.
The latest Metro column is now up
here
And Talking Cock Rodmast episode 6 is now up at
the British Comedy Guide and on iTunes.
