Regular readers will know about my long term battle with drug addiction - the drug in question being one that is not legislated against in most countries, but which I genuinely believe is one of the most dangerous and addictive substances on this planet - chocolate.
I used to be on at least three bars a day, but in recent years had managed to kick the habit. Admittedly with the odd relapse. Usually around Easter time. Because some Proustian impulse makes Easter egg chocolate particularly comforting and irresistable to me. I fell off the wagon on to the chocolate cart this time last year, thinking I could handle just eating a little bit every now and again, but I was wrong. So I managed to wean myself off.
This year I started to think I was being very stupid and childish. Surely I had enough self control to just have the occasional littel choccy without having to wolf down an entire box and then another box. So over the last month I have been trying to slowly reintroduce the food stuff into my diet. To begin with it was fine. If someone offered me a fancy chocolate I could eat it. If a biscuit had some chocolate on it I didn't have to turn it down. It was working. I was OK.
But then a week or so ago I bought an Easter Egg. I thought I would just eat one, to remember things past, and then leave it at that. I thought I could handle it. I was wrong. I have opened Pandora's Easter egg and released the best thing in the world - Chocolate. I have been eating it all week and without the cover of a complete ban I keep buying it at almost every opportunity. I am an addict. It's pathetic.
I am going to have to declare a total embargo once again, but it's hard. Because eating chocolate makes me feel better and higher than any other drug I have ever tried - not that I have tried any, mum. I am imagining. And whilst it does not make you hallucinate and see the devil or become super aware of the tiniest thing, like I imagine magic mushrooms might, chocolate really perks me up to a ridiculous degree. More than cocaine, I imagine.
Just the tiniest bit does this to me and if only I was a better person I would be able to eat a tiny bit, get the kick and not get fat. But if there is chocolate in front of me, I have to eat it all, without it even touching my taste buds.
Other writers are alcoholics or sexaholics or addicted to opium. I am unable to walk past a Lion Bar. It doesn't augur well for my work echoing down the ages.
I must work on my sexaholism at least.
