I haven't been out on my skateboard yet. But I have a skateboard. That's the important thing. As I was walking to the tube for tonight's gig I saw a cool 12 year old boy in baggy clothes walking towards me carrying his skateboard. I wished that I was carrying my skateboard so that I could have acknowledged him with a nonchalent flick of the hair, letting him know that we were the same and that I was as cool and as good as him. But I didn't have the skateboard so I just tried to give him a look that was meant to communicate that I had a skateboard at home. But it may have come across as a 39 year old man winking at a 12 year old boy who he doesn't know, which is not a good thing.
The problem is that I am a bit scared of actually getting on my skateboard, but maybe I can take a leaf out of the book of this actual young skateboarder and just go around casually carrying the skateboard with me everywhere I go. Then other sk8ters would know that I was one of them and give me more respect and I wouldn't get into trouble with the police for winking at 12 year old boys.
Had a good gig at Monkey Business tonight, despite (or maybe because) of going on after drinking two pints of Guinness (not a good idea generally, but can sometimes loosen things up). The audience were a bit quiet for everyone, but I managed to riff around with the new stuff and it's starting to get somewhere (though I am still doing some old bits to fill up the time). My favourite bit, which I will probably not do again, was where desolate at being nearly 40 and still doing cock jokes for a living I attempted to commit suicide by pushing the microphone into my eye. It was an experiment to see if it was possible to kill yourself in this way, which it probably isn't as a microphone is not the sharpest of objects, but maybe if I pushed really hard it would pierce my brain and end this nightmare of being alive. I argued that at least if I produced some blood then this would be a memorable night of theatre, but I didn't die, and I didn't bleed though I did get a slightly achey eye. But that wasn't much good to me as noone could tell how I had suffered for my art.
It all worked in context, but it isn't something I'd want to do every night because probably the constant daily pressure to my eye would eventually cause some long term damage.
It's interesting that the more one's life falls apart, the funnier you become as a comedian and that essentially all I have to do is go on stage, discuss my problems and people will laugh. As long as I am unhappy then I can make a fine living at this job, which is why I must never have therapy or achieve any kind of long term personal happiness. It's my job to be a failure and the more I fail the more I succeed and the less good I become and thus the better. You have to love being a stand up. What could be better?
I haven't done many circuit gigs this year and it's a lot more fun than the tour ones, mainly because there are other comedians to hang out with, but also because the audience haven't necessarily come to see you and so it is easier to hang out and have a drink afterwards.
I had fun and got drunk and managed to get over the slight depression that had fallen on me after having the party which confirmed that I will soon be 40. Drink and talking to women is enough for me to get over existential angst. I am very shallow.
Plus I know I am cool as a 12 year old boy, because I have a skateboard at home. Maybe I don't need to carry it with me. Just knowing I have it is enough.
I am sure everything will settle down a bit when I am 40, but for the moment sit back and enjoy the ride of my impending nervous breakdown. You know you don't want me to be happy or none of this would be half as good.
