I thought I'd have a go at getting through the latest
podcast without saying a swear or descending into filth about animal sex or bumming. You'll have to listen to see how far I got. We did discuss the controversy over the actually pretty reasonable decision to begin
sex education in primary schools. I was watching Question Time last night and you could see the knee-jerk hysteria that was being whipped about this subject, which was repeated this morning in some of the tabloids. In fact five year olds will not be taught about the intricacies of sexual intercourse, but will merely be made aware of some very basic facts, the most fruity of which is that animals reproduce. Something that they pretty much know anyway. A young man on Question Time, trying to ignite moral indignation splutteringly pondered that if 5 year olds were taught about sex (which they won't be anyway) wouldn't they inevitably then ask, "Can you show me?" (which they almost certainly wouldn't). The suggestion being that a primary school teacher, who without this incentive would never have thought of having sex with his or her pupils, would then think, "Well they did ask!" Rather than just saying, "No!"
Many of the problems of our society, I believe, come for this ridiculous attitude to sex. That it is a subject that is kept secret from children at all costs in all forms. But not only does this secrecy make it a more fascinating topic for kids (it certainly did for me), it also breeds ignorance (which in teenagers leads to sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancies) and also this pathetic idea that sex is funny or naughty or dirty which is prevalent in this country. As I point out in the podcast, this is good news for me, as I make a living from pretty much continually playing on this embarrassment. But if we were more matter of fact with our kids about sex (whilst not worrying that by letting them know what they need to know that that would inevitably lead to them wanting to have sex with us, or us with them or them with each other) then maybe we wouldn't be in such a mess. Most of us, luckily, pretty much have sex when we're ready. I knew quite a lot of the details when I was under ten, but didn't get to actually do anything about it until I was practically 20 (I know, all right, don't take the piss). But having knowledge didn't make me want to do it. Other normal people are maybe feeling ready for such a thing a few years earlier and if they want to do it, then it's probably best that they know about pregnancy and disease and how to avoid these things. Which they will be taught, not at 5, as some people seem to be implying, but just before these issues will start to be a concern.
I think it's quite admirable how much the proposed education talks about emotions and responsibilities and I don't think it would be a bad idea if kids were taught some basic rules of dating and of how to behave with respect in relationships. It takes many of us a long time to bluster through these issues. I was well into my thirties before a lot of it made any sense and I guess that we have to learn for ourselves up to a point, but by keeping all this stuff secret or naughty or dirty then we are leaving our teenagers in this morass of confusion. Maybe the confusion is part of the fun of growing up and maybe teenagers can not be taught - my own attempts to advise my then teenage nephews and nieces about relationships or drugs usually either fell on deaf ears or backfired (thinking my nephew might have started experimenting with soft drugs I gave him the avuncular advice that smoking a bit of pot wasn't going to be too much of a problem, but that he should steer away from the harder stuff - only for him to react in naive amazement that I might ever have tried any kind of drug in my life and to basically threaten to go and tell my mum on me).
Anyway, it's good for schools to give some guidance through this minefield and maybe on day we'll get to a point where we can all talk about sex in a mature way, without any sniggering or pathetic innuendo. I'll be long dead by then so it won't matter to me and thank God I'll be able to keep peddling my childish filth for some time yet.
Does it really take someone as puerile as me to point out how childish the nay-sayers are being on this issue? I don't know if I can cope with all the layers of irony.
