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Saturday 24th February 2018

5569/18589
Oh man, as Swiper might say when trying to get a T-shirt thing going,  it had been close to a perfect night of performance. I had made a few little slips due to tiredness, but also made up lots of new little bits and been able to ride laughs and had over 400 in in the (admittedly massive) main room at St David’s Hall, Cardiff.  I had been considering ending on my new line, but did it very near to the end instead and it got a big laugh (the kind of laugh you want right at the end - I should have gone with my instincts). But never mind. I ended with the usual last line, which is guaranteed a medium laugh and some recognition of its callback nature. I even milked it a little in the build up. 
But I delivered it. Only one person laughed and everyone else was bemused and in that instant it suddenly struck me- I hadn’t done the routine that I was referring back to. 
This sometimes happens on a tour, though to be fair, usually I would realise the error beforehand. In fact once, during a slightly disastrous performance of this show in Edinburgh, I did exactly the same thing, but realised as I approached the end of the show and crow-barred the routine back in. This time though it was only the non-plussed reaction of the audience that made me spot my omission and I had to say, “which would make sense if I hadn’t forgotten to do the routine that I am back-referring to.” 
At any other point in a show I could have had some fun with my memory lapse - very typical of someone of my age- but on the last line, as you are readying to leave, it’s much harder. And it left me feeling terrible. Not only cos the show ended on this huge anti-climax, but because I’d missed out one of my funniest bits. The audience took it well enough, but as a performer it hurts and after such a great gig it seemed even worse.
I felt mortified.
No one seemed to really care except me, but oh boy, it’s annoying.

And it had been a very long day and I hadn’t had enough sleep. I’d been up early to take my daughter to gym class. That seemed like days ago by the time I was in the car home from Cardiff and writing this. Was it really the same day? And then I’d come back home and had to look after my son while my wife went to the supermarket. Admittedly I’d had a bit of luck because he’d been difficult all morning, but fallen asleep the exact minute my wife had gone out of the door and woken up about 3 minutes before her return. But I was still a bit stressed as Ray was waiting to take me to the gig and time was ticking by.
I fell asleep in the car and then when we got to the venue had tried to sleep on the little bed that is in the main dressing room for the main hall. The dressing room looks like it hasn’t been decorated since Morecambe and Wise’s day and if there was a photo of them in here I am pretty sure that the curtains, carpet and bedspread on the bed would be identical. I doubt they are allowed to change it now as it is probably Grade II listed!
But I guess a bit of this tiredness had seeped into the performance. It had mainly been hidden by the excitement of having had the 50 extra audience members that meant I had been switched here from the bar, but it showed up in those little unnoticeable slips and that one huge error that would have gone unspotted too was it not such an integral part of the show. I did so much right tonight in spite of exhaustion, which just makes the eggy end all the more yolky.
Then my card reader wasn’t connecting up to my phone, so the early people in the queue were there to witness an echo of the show as the reader said “Searching for Richard’s iPhone” just like in the routine about Ryan’s phone and my car.
It’s all OK. It was a good show. But it just gets to you as a performer. Every comedian will know the sensation of doing a callback in a show that they’ve done many times, only to realise they never did the original bit.

It’s wonderful to have snuck into the main room for the third year in a row, even when the original plan was to be in the bar. I’d love to play this venue packed to the rafters (of course), but 400 ticket sales is still a very decent day’s work. Who knows if I will ever play this room again - I am not sure what my touring future is, but even if I come back here with some stand up will numbers go up or down? Be a shame if walking off a bit annoyed and flustered was my last ever action on that stage. But in all honesty I’d otherwise be very happy with the show. In terms of number of laughs and quality of performance and ease with myself on stage, this is, I think, my best ever show. Certainly the most consistent.
I am not about to give up stand up, but I think it’s almost certain that I won’t be touring a new show in 2019. I might do some podcasts on the road. I don’t have an idea for what the next show I do will be. I know what I am going to be touring when/if I get to 60. That’s it. Hopefully I will have another idea before then.





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