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For the last couple of days I have been unable to find my house keys. This kind of thing is happening a lot more these days, partly because of baby-tiredness, but mainly due to middle-age. I’ve been losing stuff and misplacing things. Most of it has eventually turned up.
I had been using our spare keys and casually looking for the proper set (which has loads of keys, like bike and bike shed keys that I don’t have copies of), but I hadn’t found them in any of the obvious places. I thought I’d last had them when we popped out to a local Mexican restaurant for some Margaritas. Might I have left them there in a daze of two alcoholic drinks? Had I used them to get back into the house afterwards? I couldn’t remember.
This afternoon I made a concerted effort to find them. I looked in pockets and in drawers and under sofa cushions. We’d recently had a big tidy up in the house and they might have ended up anywhere. But they weren’t in any of the places I looked. I even went back to the restaurant to check that they didn’t have them, but to no avail. I was getting frustrated and cross and paranoid that if I’d dropped them in the street we might be burgled. But I knew they had to be in the house, but they didn’t seem to be. Trying to make light of my stupidity I went on to Twitter and tweeted “Has anyone seen my house keys?” As expected I got lots of joke answers along the lines of “They’re in the last place you’ll look for them”, but amongst the wags was @ahaufstop who replied "you were sitting on them at the start of the isy suttie video.” I had certainly not expected Twitter to give me the answer here, but I realised that this was almost certainly it. I remembered I’d recorded that intro when I was slightly squiffy after the Mexican restaurant and had felt uncomfortable with the keys in my back pocket and had taken them out and put them on the desk. I had actually filmed myself losing them. I realised that I hadn’t seen them since then and although it was too late to check as I was already on the road to Bristol, I was pretty sure the mystery was solved, even though I had searched the desk a few times
Indeed when I got home I went to have a look and though the keys weren’t immediately apparent, they really should have been, as they were sitting in full view on the edge of my in tray. How crazy that Twitter had solved this puzzle. Now I just need to film my whole life and I will never lose anything again -those suit trousers might be still with me if only I’d gone full-Truman.
Lovely to play a packed Colston Hall (quiet voice - The Lanterns). Bristol has not forsaken me and I kind of wonder how I would do if they put me in the big room. I wouldn’t sell it out, but I could have sold a lo more tickets (as this has been sold out for months). Bristol is always one of my favourite places to play and the audience were great. When I spoke of my Hermione hands a man threw his actual wallet on to stage (presumably to pay for my unique Hermione “Massaging” services). I said that I would keep it, but after seeing there was no money in there I finally gave it back.
Great to have a packed out one. Back to lots of empyt seats tomorrow in Monmouth.
More cool memorabilia and ridiculous hand-made T-shirts up for
auction on eBay 
