With one card to turn over I was on the brink of reclaiming the title of Edinburgh Comedian Poker Champion that I won 2 years ago. And it was looking good. Andy Smart and I were heads up. I was all in. I had the most chips. More importantly I had hit trip 10s whilst Andy had just a pair of queens. He would have to hit one of the two remaining queens in the pack to win the hand. He had a one in twenty chance of doing so. I was 95% certain of winning the tournament and £150, plus another trophy (the 2007 poker cup is the only thing I have ever won in Edinburgh). Nineteen times out of twenty I would be walking away the winner. And deservedly so. I had played well throughout and battled back from a short stack in the heads up section (after both of us had hit a flush on the flop in an early hand, but Andy had had the Ace) and taken my chances well throughout.
The last card was a Queen. Giving me a full house, but Andy a better one. Defeat was snatched from the jaws of victory. I had been, I think it's fair to say, pretty unlucky. Though I took it in good heart. It had been a fun evening and there had been some great poker played and this was such an unlikely turn out that I could only really laugh and call him a lucky bastard. Plus Andy has set up the tournament and bought a trophy every year and it was perhaps apt that he should be victorious. Not that I was out of it yet. I had come back once and maybe I could do so again. I made good progress over the next few hands, but this time I could not come back and Andy won.
Poker is a stupid game, but I could at least console myself with the fact that I had done everything right and that I had won £30 for coming second (even though I had spent £40 to enter). I wondered how it would feel if such a thing happened at the end of a bigger tournament. Imagine if you were about to win the world series and your opponent had that kind of luck. That must be hard to overcome.
As it was I still found it hard to sleep afterwards, even though it was 4am by the time I was home. It was playing on my mind and despite my tiredness I was tossing and turning and reliving the moment. I really needed to sleep. I had had another hard, hot and exhausting show, but the adrenaline of the tournament had woken me completely.
It is more fitting that I come to Edinburgh and win nothing of course, even when I clearly deserve to! I had hoped I might get nominated for the Amnesty Freedom of Expression Award, but alas the panel chose worthy theatre over silly stand up and as I am not eligible for the main comedy awards because I am such a successful TV comedian (as you know) I maintain my empty awards cabinet for another year. My Daily Telegraph Worst Comedy Experience 2005 award is looking very lonely still.
Who needs awards anyway? Everything is ticking along nicely and I don't need trinkets and the recognition of my peers to validate myself.
Still it might be nice, hey?
No, no. It's fine.
Bastards.
I will bring Amnesty down for this oversight.
You'd think that one in twenty times I might get the kind of luck that Andy got tonight though. Just one time I'd slip through the door and win something. Then again I've only done 18 Fringes, so maybe next year. Or the year after. If not by then I think I'll really have something to complain about.
And I did have the excitement seeing my face staring back at me from the front page of the BBC News page. Usually that would probably be only bad news, in that I would have to have committed a terrible crime or have died to get such recognition, but today it was just linking to
an article about my moustache along with some mainly reasonable comments from the public in support of the idea.
This led to the Daily Telegraph site
setting up a similar question to its readers and even most of them still thought it was an interesting idea. Jimmy R failed to take his own advice though by saying "Ignore the clown." He's right, I have just been doing the whole thing to get attention. It's clear from this entry that he is entirely right. Damn.
Though solipsism and self-love aside it will be interesting to see if the idea of a Toothbrush moustache Democracy day might actually take off. We'll see. I've heard a couple of interesting stories about people leaving my show wearing the moustaches and getting into arguments with strangers in pubs and clubs that have turned into discussions about the issues in the show. Which is better than winning all the awards and poker tournaments in the world.
No, hold on, it isn't. You get about five million pounds for winning the World Series. And a lovely bracelet.
But who wants to read the blog of a winner? Only by continuing to fail can I be a success. We all know it.
