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I was really looking forward to RHLSTP tonight and as usual had great fun researching my guests (none of whom I had met before), Mackenzie Crook, Kiri Pritchard Mclean and Rachel Fairburn. Just like Kathy Burke, Mackenzie is someone who seems down to earth, relatively low key, but has an incredible body of work behind him in so many different areas. I have recently become a huge fan of Detectorists, which is beautifully made television with exquisite attention to detail.
I’d done baby duties last night and even though Ernie has been comparatively well rested, I think the combination of the gruelling tour and early mornings had got to me. I wasn’t feeling as sharp as I have in the last few weeks and the bug I thought I’d kicked into touch had decided to return. I was full of snot, my nose had some weird spot on the end that made me look like a drunk or someone starting the slow process of going through the Santa Clause.
And I think maybe the audience was not quite as au fait with RHLSTP as usual and not ready for my bug induced stream of consciousness about the danger of them not getting home because of the weather and my slightly clumsy piss take of President Trump’s assertion that he’d have been straight into the school in Florida if he’d been walking by.
I lost my confidence a little bit and a bit conscious that I had mildly offended the last star of the Office that I’d had on the show, reverted to early RHLSTP episode of Richard Herring, trying to get laughter out of my insecurity and relative failure. I was probably a bit star struck and keen to impress Mackenzie (and he had proven to be as charming and kind as I had hoped) and was annoyed that I wasn’t giving my best through the filter of my blurred brain.
I think it was still a good one and maybe my awkwardness is what makes the podcast what it is. But it was the first one for a while where I haven’t been able to fully enjoy myself. Eventually I think I managed to pull myself out of my self-conscious fug and luckily me being below par only helps make my guest look good. Mackenzie, who listens to the show, made a joke about the Merchant pod and was successfully able to make fun of me. As I was myself. When I bemoaned my own laziness and he tried to defend me against my own accusations saying I did so much (and both things are true), I said, “Sure, asking people if they’ve like to have sex with Muppets. That’s not proper work is it?â€
I was probably being harsh on myself. I probably am now. But it reminded me how fragile the veneer of confidence is for a performer. A slightly quieter audience and a mildly reserved guest and being jostled out of my comfort zone by tiredness and illness and the whole edifice starts to shake. Also perhaps a little complacency had crept in and I didn’t prepare quite hard enough.
I wished I had the confidence of my other guests, the impressively and justifiably ballsy Kiri and Rachel who are making great strides in the comedy world, especially through their All Killa, No Filla podcasts. We talked about serial killers (obvs) and how podcasting can now launch careers. Obviously it can destroy them too. But I think these two are headed for bigger things.
I got my train home through the snow. Will the rest of the week have more transport difficulties? Will do all I can to fly into the heart of the storm in my West Country jaunt from Wednesday.
