Warming Up

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Another cock on the Bayeaux Tapestry?! Everything I knew about history (and embroidery) is wrong. If you can't trust an embroidery made in Kent that calls itself a tapestry from Bayeaux, then who can you trust. Still one more cock isn't something that should be sniffed at.

Though to me it looks more like a pistol. Which is even bigger news surely?

I've certainly been made to look an idiot, telling my guests on RHLSTP that there are 93 cocks on the thing, when there might be 94. Also if I ever get some time alone with the thing then there will be 95 cocks on the Bayeaux Tapestry - you know what I am saying. I am saying I am going to wank over it and then rub my cock on it.

Another slightly tough day on tour. It turns out I can't shake this lurgy and it was a long old trip to Durham. I lightly snoozed in the car (not driving) but it didn't help much and then we parked up at the theatre and walked to the hotel, which looked close, but we found the pathways down to the river blocked up by construction going on and it turned into quite a hike, weighed down with my bags (on the way back we found a footbridge that more or less went directly to the theatre). I was pretty wiped out, but rested up in the hope I'd have enough energy to get through the performance. It looks like it's been 10 years since I played the Gala in Durham http://www.richardherring.com/warmingup/24/03/2013/index.html - though it looks like I had about 70 in that time and 100 a couple of years before, so I am pleased that I managed to get more than 200 in tonight. They were a pretty good crowd, though it was a slightly stuttering performance from me. I thought I'd missed an important bit out early on (I hadn't though, I just hadn't got to it yet) and my fuzzy brain meant I nearly skipped to the wrong place a couple of times. It's an unsettling feeling not to be quite in your body on stage and to not feel fully in control, but for the most part I found the mental ant trails and in the second half even ad-libbed some good new bits (though there's little chance I will remember them tomorrow).

As I'd walked to the theatre at 6.15pm I'd noted how full the pubs and restaurants were and how drunk everyone already seemed to be (good luck to them - if you can't get pissed on Saturday afternoon then what's the point in living?) I did fear what atrocities I might witness on our walk back post-show and those fears seemed justified as we rounded the side of the theatre to see a woman sprawling on the floor by the wall. There were some uniformed people helping out (don't know if they were police or security guards or ambulance crew) and it was not a hidden away bit of wall, but right off the main street and on the walkway over to all the bars and restaurants. Her male companion was trying to talk to the sober people helping out and then exclaimed "Oh no, now she's lying in my piss." It was quite impressive that this man had managed to urinate in such a well-populated and non-private area and even more impressive that his partner had chosen that moment and exact location to keel over.

We were laughing at this semi-tragedy as we walked down the steps outside the bars and I nearly slipped on a large piece of chicken that was in the middle of a pool of sick. What a way to go that would have been. Cracking your head on vomity steps as you laughed about a woman sprawling around in her boyfriend's piss (and not in a good way).

Even though I'd not even been away for a whole day yet I was missing my family tonight, sleeping in a hotel where the walls shook every time anyone closed a door on the corridor, in a bed with a cushioned headboard that had been worn down and frayed by previous occupants - the damage too high up to have been caused by moving around in your sleep. Presumably they'd been sitting up and reading a book that was really action packed. You don't really want a visible reminder of the questionable things that have happened in your bedroom before. We all know questionable things have happened - we may even be responsible for a few of them ourselves - but you want to be able to pretend they haven't happened. Especially when you're alone and your headboard damaging days are long behind you.

So I fell asleep after watching a bit of Beyond Paradise.