My real girlfriend and I went to the Westfield shopping centre this afternoon to have a look around and were reminded endlessly of the lack of basic politeness of most human beings. It was pretty busy down there, which may be good news for the economy, but with people bumping into each other and not apologising or seemingly even caring it surely can't be long before someone snaps and goes down there with a machine gun to mow some manners into this inconsiderate scum scrum. Personally I found it pretty easy to walk around without getting in anyone's way, let alone actually walking into them, but others found it more difficult to show even the briefest of consideration for their fellow shoppers. And then even more difficult to say sorry. Which to be honest would have been enough to assuage my anger.
The most annoying example of this came as I was walking along, minding my own business when I felt something banging into the side of my leg. I looked down to see a tiny girl of about three years old on a scooter, doing her best to occupy the exact same space as I was currently moving in. I didn't mind about this too much. She was a child and presumably still learning how to use her new toy and she hadn't hurt me and within a few seconds she had managed to veer off and overtake me. At this point she fell off her scooter, right in front of me, causing me to have to stop to avoid standing on her. She looked up at me and I asked her if she was OK. I wasn't annoyed by any of this. I was once a child. This is the kind of stuff that happens.
But her father then quickly walked up to haul her to her feet. I would possibly have expected him to make some kind of perfunctory apology. It's just politeness. Your kid does something that impacts on the life of a stranger and you say sorry and then the stranger says "That's OK", because clearly it is. And his daughter had just scootered into my legs. Perhaps he felt I was somehow to blame for the fall (which I wasn't - it had happened after the initial contact, which I wasn't to blame for anyway), but he not only ignored me completely, but he, a grown man who I would estimate had been on this planet for at least 30 years, then just stood right in front of me forcing me to go around him to proceed. Now a 3 year old child getting in your way is understandable, but a man of ten times that age? Are people so wrapped up in their own lives that they don't even know other people exist? It might seem like a small thing, but for him to ignore me on this level and to fail to give me a simple sorry (I wouldn't have minded if he'd done it whilst pulling a face as if to say "What can you do? My life if crazy thanks to this little tyke) made me shake my head in disbelief and want to say to the 3 year old girl, "It's a shame that your dad is such a prick. I feel a bit sorry for you. I hope you don't inherit his prickdom, though thanks to the power of nurture it is more than possible." I didn't though. But that's the issue there, isn't it? That's what makes it more breathtaking and annoying. There is a generation of selfish and impolite people, passing on their selfishness to the next generation, believing that the world revolves around them and them alone. Those people shouldn't be allowed to breed, because they are selfish enough already, without then having a further excuse to ignore the needs of others.
The new season of Lyric comedy nights started with a bang, with four great acts. At 8 o clock when the show was due to begin, not a single act had made it to the theatre, due to traffic problems and I was worried that there might not be a show, but they turned up bit by bit and everything ran smoothly. I had no idea what I would talk about when I went on stage, but I chatted to the crowd and stuff came pouring out, much of it in dubious taste, quite a lot of it about postcodes, but it pretty much all worked which was very satisfying. I feel increasingly comfortable stepping out on to stage with no material at all. It's always been a goal of mine to be do this in an effortless and amusing manner and I think tonight was the best I have done at this. Sometimes a topic would lead into a bit of material or a half formulated idea, but a lot of it was just running with whatever rubbish popped out of my mind and seeing where it led to. It was a strong line up with Miles Jupp (who will be delighted to be mentioned in the blog, it's all he lives for), Nick Doody and Gary Delaney putting in assured sets. And then the "surprise" headliner David Baddiel, trying out new material, which went down very well. It's one of the delights of these nights that I can combine a bill of great comedians that people may not know about with household names and I think there will be more surprises in store this season. I can't name the headliner of the next gig, for example, but he is really worth the admission price on his own. But we've also got Kevin Eldon and Dave Schneider as well (and another act yet to be booked). So spread the word and
BOOK NOW.
And if you missed tonight and want to see David Baddiel's stand up then you can see him (and me and loads of great comics) at the Indigo at the O2 in a couple of weeks.
Book here.
