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You may recall from old stand up shows or the Collings and Herrin podcast that I was quite the story-writer when I had just learned to write. The Man Who Was Never Born and The Four Men Fite the Men of Phise are classics of the genre. So I am delighted to report that my daughter is also becoming a keen storyist, taking after me (or hopefully her mother who has actually got her stories published).
This afternoon Phoebe dictated a long story to me that I typed up on the computer, so that she could send it to her friend Matherew (he’s called Matthew, but that’s how she’s always pronounced it). These two were best pals in nursery, but sadly due to evil North Herts council they do not go to the same school - even though Matherew is only about four doors down from us. They haven’t seen each other too much in the last couple of years, the lock-down didn’t help matters, but her love for him stays strong. I hope he feels the same because he’s about to receive a long story about a dinosaur fucking a unicorn (essentially).
It’s a good tale. Here’s how it began:
Once upon a time there was a unicorn and a dinosaur. They were friends. One day they decided to get married. They had a unicorn cross dinosaur baby. The crying was very loud. And it was very sparkly.
Then they wanted to have another baby, but that baby wasn’t ordinary. It was fish cross dog. The crying was very cute and one day they were very sad but they couldn’t find anything fish/dog baby liked. So then they buyed all the things that a baby could like and the fish/dog baby didn’t like any of them. So then sadly they had to put it in an orphanage. They were really really sad.
Phoebe could not understand why I could never get through reading her the orphanage line without laughing. I told her there was nothing funny about it and it was very sad, but I couldn’t help sniggering and she was confused about why her serious tale of a fish/dog that came from the union of a dinosaur and unicorn was making me laugh and not cry.
On the second page the family were reunited, but only after the dog/fish was rescued from his adoptive parents (who were the baddies, even though I’d say the dinosaur and unicorn had been somewhat lax in their parental duties too) and she then asked me to write “And then they all lived happily ever after….. Or did they?
She was really pleased with this and I said it was good too. What a brilliant ending. But she then wrote another two pages detailing who they didn’t live happily and ended up opening a business that was stolen from them, going to prison and then living underground and in France and then nearly drowned. So the answer was, no, they didn’t live happily ever after. Though they survived due to the efforts of the strong dog/fish.
I love her unfettered imagination and the deliberate and accidental comedic twists and turns and just the joy of creating a story from scratch with absolutely no plan whatsoever. It’s taken me nearly half a century to get back to being anywhere near that creative spirit.
