According to the
BBC website when I was born on the 12th of July 1967 I was the 3,475,804,705th person alive on Earth (I would appreciate being able to put in a time for a more accurate reading - there were 3,476,001,557 people the next day). There are now 6,996,447,455 billion people on the planet. We've almost exactly doubled since I was born. I am not saying I am responsible for that, but I did put myself about a bit, so apologies that there's not quite as much room.
I was (equal with all the other people born that day) the 77,478,712,661st person alive in all human history (starting from 50,000 BC - I love the accuracy of that number given the randomness of the start date and the number of people born on the day). Do you ever get the feeling that there are just too many people? In 30 years time we'll be heading for 10 billion. Will the Pope still be advising people not to use contraception? Will we see the loss of a single life as a tragedy or a relief? Is God watching through a microscope in fast forward and seeing us eating up the Earth's resources like a virus? He must be laughing His head off. "If only I allowed them to put blobs on their knobs this wouldn't be half as bad! Ha ha ha, I am evil... I mean good. Obviously I am good. I hope no one heard that. Wouldn't do to have an evil God. Even if that is the only thing that makes any kind of logical sense. Ha ha ha ha ha.... Damn. Hope no one heard that either. I am good."
Hello to anyone reading this in 2050. And sorry that we couldn't stop screwing each other and weren't even considerate enough to pull out at the last minute. We knew what would happen if we carried on this way, but, you know. Fuck you. If you're one of my kids then you're in a weird Catch 22 aren't you? If I'd blobbed up then you wouldn't be here, but that would be better for everyone.
For the sake of my future children I think we will have to institute a one in, two out policy. You are welcome to have a kid, but for each one you spawn you have to kill two different people. They don't have to be anyone you know or like - they can even be very old (though there might have to be some kind of sliding scale of victims), but as long as the population is heading downwards then our children and grandchildren will thank us. You know, unless they end up being murdered so someone else can live.
Who are you going to kill that your spawn may flourish?
