Christmas is over and I headed back to London to discover with relief that burglars had not taken advantage of my brief sojourn and my meagre possessions remained untouched. Or maybe burglars had broken in, taken a look at the shit in my house, decided they wanted none of it and then out of pity had paid to have any windows or door-frames that they had broken repaired out of their own money. That's the Christmas spirit right there. Even a burglar's heart can not fail to be touched by it. I wish there had been a burglar in my bath when I got home, waiting for me to turn the tap on for him. Especially if he had been a cat burglar... ha ha, I am funny.
So as usual I head to the end of the year full of resolutions to change my life. I mainly want to get back into a proper writing routine, which as you know has been something I have been trying to do for over five years. That was the point of starting this fucking rubbish and clearly it hasn't worked. But I am fed up of wasting time and keen to get into a realistic work pattern. I lay in bed thinking about potential Edinburgh shows. In the past I used to have my sleep interrupted by ideas on numerous occasions, but it hardly ever happens now. I'd be lying there with some new project flying round in my head, preventing me from sleeping. It was only slightly annoying, but mainly exciting. My brain couldn't wait to get on with working something out. When I had the idea for
"Punk's Not Dead" I was buzzing, unable to settle until I had figured out the possibilities. At times it felt like I wasn't even making up the script, that it was being beamed into my head, or that I was traveling into the future to watch it and then just annotating what I saw. In truth I was still writing it all at the last minute as I always did and will, but it was great to be that giddy about my work and for it to inspire and disrupt me so much. Nowadays that rarely happens, though there was a minor case of it tonight as I weighed up the possibilities for a slightly different kind of possible Edinburgh show. Not that I will definitely be going up again as there are a few other projects that might prevent it if they come off. But the decisions have to be made within the next couple of months so I don't have much time to think about it. All I can tell you is that I think it might be much more of a story-style show - the recent gig with
serving as an example of the possibilities. A slightly more theatrical show might be more interesting.
But I need to make some decisions about which way I am going both professionally and personally and my goals are changing, I think.
I had been sitting in a service station with Phil Fry on the way home, discussing how things were going and he was wondering if I envied Ricky Gervais for his success. A few years ago I definitely did. I was jealous that he had had the deserved but lucky break that had turned his small sitcom into a worldwide smash, that he was writing an episode of the Simpsons and that he was working with the Spinal Tap guys. And whilst I would probably write an episode of the Simpsons if anyone asked me and wouldn't be devastated if something I wrote got acknowledged or won awards or whatever, ultimately I like where I am. As I said to Phil, if I was Ricky Gervais we wouldn't be able to sit there in Caffe Ritazza unhassled, we wouldn't have been able to go for a drink with our school friends in the Lamb on Christmas Eve, I wouldn't be able to it on the tube observing all the strange things going on around me, because I would become the focus of the attention. I quite like the fact that about 1000 people will end up buying my DVD, and that I know that they will probably all buy the next one too, that about 4000 people will come and see me on tour, that about the same number will come to my Edinburgh show. It's almost enough to make a living, and as long as I write the occasional script and keep cracking away at the stand up I am not going to go hungry and yet can produce work that I am proud of, with no-one telling me what I can and can't do.
Later I watched Ricky Gervais struggling with some of these issues in a slightly confused episode of "Extras". It criticised celebrity culture despite being full of celebrities, it talked about celebrities demeaning themselves on TV when most of the participants were doing exactly that in this show, but it was still interesting in terms of stopping to think about what one is aiming for in doing this stupid job. Especially given the earlier conversation I had had with my old school friend.
But in truth as long as 1000 of you keep buying my DVDs I will be happy. If that raises to 2000 then I won't be upset about that. But I don't think I need 40,000 of you to buy it in a week. For me, the benefits of that would outweigh the downside. Because I like drinking coffee in service stations with my friend Phil Fry who I have known for 32 years.
But not more than once or twice a year. The rest of the time I am hanging around with my celebrity mates obviously.
