I play the national lottery online. I know it's a waste of money, but so are all the other forms of gambling I do and spending a couple of pounds a week isn't going to break me. It's better than playing the fruit machines and there's a chance that maybe... just maybe.... I might hit a multi-million pound payout. OK, it's 14 million to one and that ain't too likely, but if it came off I'd be able to fund my own projects and buy luxury goods and go out with a super model and build an undersea base from which I threaten to blow up the world. You may call me a dreamer.
Anyway, the good thing about playing online is that if you win anything they send you an email saying
"Dear Richard,
We have some exciting news about the ticket that you bought for the Wednesday 26 July (or whenever) draw. Please Sign In to your Account at the National Lottery website for more details.
Kind Regards
Interactive Customer Care
www.national-lottery.co.uk"
This of course means I'll never be one of those people who lose their ticket or forget to check their numbers and miss out on millions.
But usually this email comes through to me on my Blackberry and I have to wait til I am back home to check how much I have won (I could go on the internet on my phone, but this would cost me over a tenth of what I have in all probability won). So for a few minutes or hours I can imagine that I haven't just matched three numbers (as has always been the case) and that there is a million pounds waiting for me at home. I don't know if they send you the same email if you have won the jackpot (and I don't want to know, as they almost certainly don't), but I like to assume that they do, because that means there is still the chance that I've finally done it.
It happened this morning when I was out having a coffee. I had won something in last night's draw, and it could be anything from ten pounds to four million pounds. I started wondering what I would do with then money, if I had any left over after the undersea base had been completed. I knew in my heart that I had won ten pounds, but maybe it was more. Maybe I'd got four numbers for only the second time in my life. Perhaps I had done the annoying thing of getting five numbers (with a reward that isn't equal to how close you have actually got). It might even be the bonus call amount, which would make a nice dent in my mortgage. Or most likely of all, I had won. I was a winner. The national lottery had good news for me. Ten pounds is not good news. Read between the lines. I had won.
No.
I had matched 7, 17 and 39, but not the other three. I had ten pounds. I immediately spent most of it on in-line scratch cards. The most stupid form of gambling of all. I am a twart.
Maybe Saturday will be my lucky day. You can be sure that I will never tell you if I do. But if you see me emerging from my undersea base or are destroyed by a nuclear bomb with a picture of my face on it, then that will be a clue.
