I was watching Andy Murray play tennis this morning and tweeting as the game progressed. I hoped he might be keeping up with Twitter during the breaks in play so advised him to try hitting it where the other bloke couldn't get it. He didn't seem to be taking heed and was losing. Just when it looked like he might take the second set, he lost his service game and it went to a tie-break. "Oh you massive knob!" I tweeted in exasperation and the tweet seemed to do the trick. He picked up his game and after a shaky bit towards the end managed to win through.
I carried on with my commentary from the position of someone who knows little about sport and wondered if there were two new jobs in this for me. I could be an ignorant by-stander who is paid thousands of pounds a day to shout abuse at the athelete when he is failing, enraging him and prompting him or her to up his or her performance, just to shut me up and prove me wrong. I also thought there might be a market for a red-button commentary where people with little to no knowledge of a sport commentate on it and say the things that most of us at home are thinking. It's not like I want to become a man known only for commentating on things like sport and films that are nothing to do with me, but it might make a difference from the usual dull and knowledgable commentaries we currently get. Even people who don't like sport could enjoy it. I suspect someone might nick this idea and do it with Steve Coogan doing Alan Partridge, which would be immense actually, but this red button technology allows for a whole new area for comedy, which people would have to choose to access. No one on TV was asking how Murray was capable of throwing his cloth sweat bands so far into the crowd. But I was. Give me the red button, just one little channel on it. I could do my Deal or No Deal commentary too and also add colour and value to all kinds of events. I actually think this might be a genius idea and I am an idiot for putting it in my blog for some unscrupulous twat to steal and pretend it was his idea. I guess it's kind of worked already on Come Dine With Me, but this wouldn't necessarily be sarcastic and sneering and it would be a little secret treat for those in the know. For the moment Twitter is the closest we will get, but most people seemed to enjoy it, though a couple complained about my relentlessness.
But if that proves too difficult then surely there is a business for an annoying man to tell people they are knobs in order to spur them on and prove him wrong. It doesn't have to be sportsmen. I told a woman on Twitter that she would definitely fail to get a new job because she would balls up the interview. I bet she gets it. Payment could be on a no-win, no-fee basis. I have been annoying and pedantic and never known when to shut up my whole life. It may be time to turn this into cold hard cash.
Not sure I will get to write another entry before I head off on holiday (though might get a chance to do Saturday's one at the airport) and not sure of the internet access at the remote hotel I am heading to (but everywhere has the internet now - when I went to Italy back in 2003 or 4 I had to wait til I got home before I loaded up my entries - how time has changed). I am fairly convinced that I will continue to blog during the holiday. I said I might not last year, but actually there is more time and stuff to write about when I am away - if I am going to take time off (which I am obviously not) then it should really be when I am busy with work).
I am however, very much looking forward to the break and if you've been reading this blog for the last year then I think you would be hard-pressed to argue that I don't deserve a little rest. I haven't really had much of a chance to think about it so it's slightly mind-blowing to think that I will be on a tiny island in the Indian Ocean in less than two days.
ROB SEDGEBEER
Rob is the hobbit-like webmaster who runs this site and who has been in charge of all my internet content since 1995. Without him none of this would have been possible. We owe Warming Up and much much more to his nerdy wisdom. He is running the Marathon and it would be terrific if you all sponsored him - it's all for charity of course. It doesn't matter how small an amount you give. If all 3000 readers of this blog bunged him a couple of quid then that would make an enormous difference. So it you feel so inclined to give thanks to the wondrous Mr Sedgebeer
please donate here.
AS IT OCCURS TO ME
The Sony, Chortle and Lafta nominated podcast is back for a six week run every Monday from May 16th to June 20th at the Leicester Square Theatre.You can
get tickets here.
BUT to reward those loyal fans who buy EARLY for once, if you buy tickets to any of the AIOTM (aiotm) gigs before the end of February you will get 20% off the ticket price - Quote 'earlyrichard' valid for tickets booked through the venue website on their booking line number 08448 733433 before the end of February. Why not book for all six shows - more than one of them will then be FREE!
The show will as always be available to download for free on iTunes and from the British Comedy Guide, but it is even better live and you will get an additional 45 minutes of exclusive live comedy and you help to fund the project too.
